steehs173
Fewer than 3 Posts
 Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 1
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« on: November 13, 2016, 11:37:50 PM » |
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Hello everyone - Just wanted to introduce myself and get some stuff out. I am currently going through a real pressure cooker with my wife of just over four years. We have two boys (3 and 1) and a third due any day. A little background: We had a fairly quick courting period, during which I truly fell in love. Looking back, I try to remember any red flags, but I honestly cannot remember missing any. She did admit that she is from a pretty dysfunctional family, and from what she told me while we were dating, it was mostly due to her mother. I wondered how she had come out unscathed. After we were engaged, at her bachelorette party, my wife approached her mother in the bathroom and asked her not to act odd in front of my family. Her mother began yelling at her, etc. and blocking her from leaving. My mother wondered where my wife was, and checked the bathroom, and essentially busted through her mother to let my wife out. Her mom left and they have not spoken since. There was nobody from her family at our wedding. And no friends. She admitted to not having many friends from her past, but she was homeschooled and went to a couple of colleges, and said that she never really had an opportunity to develop close friends. It seemed a little different, but she was wonderful to me.
The trouble started about 10 months after the wedding. We had come back from the honeymoon and a month later found out she was expecting. She admitted after the fact that she had forgotten her pill on the honeymoon and was surprised because she thought that it took six full months after quitting. No reason not to believe her. After our son arrived, things began to change. She became excessively irritable, always wanted me home early from work and wanted me to leave late in the morning. I was supportive, knowing that PPD is a real issue, so I would get up in the night the majority of the time. Sacrificing my own sleep to ensure that she was able to be rested for the day was not a problem. After a year of this, however, I started to get a bit irritated. I did not say anything overtly, but would often mention how tired I was, that I was getting behind on work, etc. None of it hit home. We moved. She met a few women at the local park and I set up a membership at a workout club with daycare. This seemed to bring her back closer to the woman I had dated. After another year, we agreed that maybe we should add a sibling for our first. Soon we were expecting, and knowing the trials of the newborn phase, we moved again to be 30 minutes from my parents. In the months leading up to, and following, the birth of our second son, my wife's mood became unpredictable. She was becoming outright combative - sometimes flying off the rails based on perceived slights, no matter how small. Her interpretation of my tone was a big point of contention, and she to this day says that "she is going to start recording my face" so that she can prove it. My response is typically that I am sorry if my facial expressions offend her, but I do not mean anything by them. After fights, she woke up conciliatory, only to slowly fall back.
Two months after the birth, an incident happened that really woke me up. We were driving with the boys home from a morning coffee trip and she was talking at length about how I gave her a look that she perceived as snarky. I said I did not mean it to be, and again apologized. She instantly became shrieking at the top of her lungs for about 10 seconds, banging with both fists on the passenger window, and then yelled "LET ME OUT OF HEREEEEE! NOWWWW!" The boys were both terrified, as was I. I instantly went into survival mode, doing anything to calm her down. Eventually, she stopped but was still hysterical when we got home. I dropped her off and instantly put the car in reverse and went to my parents' house until she seemed ok (she accused me of trying to take her children from her - not a good situation that day). She agreed to go see someone about it (recommended by another local doctor who knows the best in the area), got a prescription to Celexa, and said she did not like the lady, so never returned despite my reminders and support. A few months later, things seemed to be improving, but another incident occurred where she began yelling loudly at me in front of the children. I tried to laugh like "mommy is joking" while I grabbed our older son and brought him upstairs. She followed me and banged on the door with all of her might while holding the infant. I later saw a big hole in the door near the floor - she had tried to kick it in. I would not let this continue with the kids there, so I said ":)o not take another step" and grabbed her shoulder to stop her from doing so, guiding her back down the hall. At this point, I knew there was a deeper problem - and knowing that her mother had BPD, I began reading more and more about it. To be honest, almost every Cluster B characteristic is present in her behavior.
A few months later, she had her second miraculous "on-birth-control conception" and we are days away now from a third son (when I asked why she hadn't taken her pills - days after she told me she was pregnant - she said in all seriousness that "it was 50% my job" to make sure she was taking her pill every day). Just last week, after over a year of complaining that my mother was not watching the kids enough to give her a break (she watches them plenty), she sent a text to my mom to the effect of "it would be nice to have a little help for once - you ARE their grandmother." My mother (who is fed up with her behavior as well) replied "you do need help, but not babysitting" - eliciting the most hateful string of threatening messages from my wife, e.g.: "You will never see your grandchildren again," "You are evil," and "We wont be at Thanksgiving or Christmas." I was horrified when I saw all of this. My mom, dad, and siblings are very important to me, as well as enjoying the holidays with them, and want my kids to have them for love and support. I let her know that I was extremely mad, especially at the timing just before the birth and holidays. Her response: Your mother is to blame for insinuating that I am crazy. Well, she does think you are crazy, dearest. And I am beginning to wonder if my mom has been right for the last year in suggesting that I see a lawyer. But my wife has nobody. I suspect she'd use the kids against me. Any advice?
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