11 year old with no diagnosis

[Parents! Get help here!]

My 11 year old daughter has been struggling for about four years now with anger, violent outbursts, self-devaluation, extreme highs and extreme lows, impulsivity and more. Within the last four months she has begun threatening suicide. She has been in weekly counseling for eight months now and she just spent a week at an in-patient facility. Her diagnosis there was depression, her regular psychologist has diagnosed her with Oppositional Defiant Disorder, but a friend of mine, who specializes in adolescent behavior believes she has BPD. Ever since my friend suggested BPD, I have done a lot of research and everything sounds like my daughter. But, I have also been told that an actual diagnosis cannot happen until she is 18. Is this true?

I have told her regular psychologist about the BPD inclination but she is not versed in DBT. So, I am searching for a psychologist who is. Unfortunately, we live an hour away from any relatively large city so I am struggling to find anything even somewhat close. I would also like to get her into group therapy but the one group I have found will not take her until she's 13.

Does anyone else have a younger child showing signs of this? I feel so lost... .I don't know how to get her the help she needs and nothing that has been done so far works at all. Last night was her first night home from in-patient and she seems worse than before she went. It is tearing my family apart and I feel so hopeless.

[FKEMom]

My 11 year old daughter has been struggling for about four years now with anger, violent outbursts, self-devaluation, extreme highs and extreme lows, impulsivity and more. Within the last four months she has begun threatening suicide. She has been in weekly counseling for eight months now and she just spent a week at an in-patient facility. Her diagnosis there was depression, her regular psychologist has diagnosed her with Oppositional Defiant Disorder, but a friend of mine, who specializes in adolescent behavior believes she has BPD. Ever since my friend suggested BPD, I have done a lot of research and everything sounds like my daughter. But, I have also been told that an actual diagnosis cannot happen until she is 18. Is this true?

I have told her regular psychologist about the BPD inclination but she is not versed in DBT. So, I am searching for a psychologist who is. Unfortunately, we live an hour away from any relatively large city so I am struggling to find anything even somewhat close. I would also like to get her into group therapy but the one group I have found will not take her until she's 13.

Does anyone else have a younger child showing signs of this? I feel so lost... .I don't know how to get her the help she needs and nothing that has been done so far works at all. Last night was her first night home from in-patient and she seems worse than before she went. It is tearing my family apart and I feel so hopeless.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Mutt]

Hi FKEMom,



I'd like to welcome you to  bpdfamily. I'm so sorry that you're daughter is going through a difficult time.

But, I have also been told that an actual diagnosis cannot happen until she is 18. Is this true?

I have an ex wife with BPD traits but not a child, I can help you by answering your question about not diagnosing a pre-teen, a reason why, there may be other reasons, a core criterion for BPD is "all or nothing thinking", and black and white thinking is very common with adolescents, it's difficult to distinguish if it's a normal adolescent pattern or a BPD trait.

We have many members here that can relate with you and offer you guidance and support, I'm glad that you decided to join us, there is hope.

 

[Kwamina]

Hi FKEMom

I am very sorry that your daughter is having these problems. I can imagine how difficult this must be for you as a parent to see your child struggling like this.

It is very sad and scary when your own child threatens suicide. Did anything happen that might have triggered her suicidal ideation or did it totally come out of the blue?

I encourage you to take a look at this thread:
Early signs of possible BPD traits in your children

Here is an excerpt:

Doctors are often very reluctant to diagnose young children with BPD, partly because the brain is still developing. Having said that, I think looking back many parents of now adult children with BPD will probably be able to identify certain early indicators of possible BPD traits in their children. Regardless of whether it was 'officially' labeled as BPD or not. Blaise Aguirre, MD, examined the notion of not being able to diagnose adolescents with BPD and raises some very interesting points:

• The idea that we have to wait until 18 to diagnose a personality disorder [makes] little clinical sense and flies in the face of current evidence.
• In our clinical experience most adult patients with BPD recognize that their symptoms started in adolescence (or earlier).
• Personality evolves in children. Parents often recognize that their children can have very different personalities from each other.
• Psychiatry has been comfortable diagnosing most other DSM conditions in younger people.
• No other medical or psychiatric condition would wait to get until someone was 18 to get targeted treatment.

[Bright Day Mom]

Hi FKEMom


My D16 was dx this year w/BPD among other thing: anxiety, depression, etc.  Looking back, I can remember red flags that were overlooked during my girl's younger years.

Has she been seen by a psychiatrist, on any medication?  Not that meds are the answer, but often times a mood stabilizer, coupled with counselling can make a difference.

Since you cannot find a group for her age, maybe try reaching out to the local drs, hospitals, even NAMI office and see if they have any or would have a need to start one. 

I know how overwhelming this all is, try working with the tools and lessons to the right. There is lots of good info there.

[473harman]

so sorry that you have to go through this. My daughter is now 16 and was "officially" diagnosed with BPD. In hindsight she started exhibiting her behaviors around 11. Her therapists never mentioned BPD and her behavior spiraled.

There is controversy around the age as so many of the behaviors are typical of teenage behavior, but times 100. She was diagnosed at an inpatient facility that specializes in BPD, and is now at a therapeutic school where they feel the diagnosis can be too much of a burden and can enable her to have an excuse for her behavior. They do, however, apply the core principles of DBT, which are necessary. For you to help her, you should try to become as versed as you can  - "Borderline Personality Disorder in Adolescents" by Blaise Aguirre is a good start. Validating her feelings - whether you agree or not - is one of the core principles and can help to defuse a situation.

I wish you luck and hope. Its not an easy road, but we must help our children as much as we can.