Eight Years Solid NC When Suddenly...

[GlennT]

Ex BPD took me by surprise on a dating site. I did'nt know it was her! She knew it was me. I was sucked in by very alluring emails... .until my spidey sense started tingling. Then I asked, and she told me. Said nothing has changed. She still feels the same way about me. We are timeless soulmates  She has all her ducks in a row. She did all the work and is cured blah blah. Then I saw her flirting with another guy on the site. She almost had me. We did'nt meet in RT. Folks, it seems you are never safe from these people. They have a thing for ex's. There is no time limit. I was OK. Dating others. Keeping busy. She was in the darkest corner of my memory. I am still maintaining strict NC, but it opened old wounds. They can be so very seductive, even after years have past. Now I must return here, and re-learn some knowledge I may have forgotten. I Thank God for this place!

[Warcleods]

Ugh,

Stay away, politely tell her you've moved on and wish her well.  Leave it at that.

She lives in a bubble of misery and her highly unstable moods completely dictate her behavior and decision making.  Desperate attempts to avoid emotion is what drives these people.  Introspection is impossible because the instability of their moods.  I am sure you know off of this but really, preserve yourself, don't get involved.  She will live the rest of her life searching for something that doesn't exist.

Good luck my friend.

[Pretty Woman]

WOW. It truly is the same pattern, over and over again.

Eight. Years. Later

I saw this with my own ex. She reached out to one ex 5 and then 10, yes 10 years later sucking that woman in both times (and she will again... .she knows this person lacks boundaries and self-respect)! I was dumped for this woman two years ago. My ex said she was her "soulmate", the "one that got away". She (the ex of my ex) had been in a partnership for many years and then dumped this woman to reunite with my ex.

So my ex runs off to MN (we are in IL) for a vacation with her ex. Two weeks later calls me over 100x on her way back saying I am the love of her life and she made a huge mistake.

I took her back. Just like I did many times before.

In retrospect I now realize she was still stringing this woman along while back with me. I mean, stringing her along for months afterwards, showing me fake emails etc. that they were "just friends".

Glenn, I hope to someday be in your shoes. I will NEVER take her back. I just want the opportunity to say, Yeah this is a pattern, she came back and I thwarted her. I guess it doesn't really matter, but I just want the opportunity y'know? You just got PROOF many do not on here. Keep maintaining NC, Brother. You are doing EXCELLENT and I am glad you came back to share and gain some clarity, I can see how that would trigger old wounds.

How did you feel when she sent all that? Were you sick inside or was it just laughable at this point? Do you feel an odd sense of closure or had you truly already achieved it?

 
PW

[GlennT]

Thanks PW, I have indeed obtained closure.  I feel pissed as I should be, but grateful I was given solid proof that I changed, and she still has'nt... .She is still a scar collecting, Ms Playa Supreme, toying with people's hearts and lives. Because of the knowledge I had from here, I did not get caught up in the game. I CONTROLLED IT! I put her on the defense. I set my boundaries immediately, and deleted her from e-v-e-r-ything. Now, my emails are being hacked. When I return to the dating site a virus warning pops up. She has disappeared from the site . Knowledge is power, and I thank my BPD family for it. I also learned from here to fix myself, not her, and do what is right, and good for me. I want to give a shout out to everybody here to stand tall, be strong, and look towards tomorrow.   

[ShadowA]

Ouch m8. Sorry to hear.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey Glenn, Sorry you are back, but glad you seem to have a good handle on what is happening.  Think you are wise to avoid dipping your toe back in the toxic BPD soup.

LuckyJim

[icky]

.  I did'nt know it was her! She knew it was me. I was sucked in by very alluring emails.until my spidey sense started tingling. Then I asked, and she told me. .

. now THAT is mean, creepy, boundary-violating, insulting, respectless and pathetic of her - to accost you secretly to see if you would fall for her incognito, with your guard down. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. sorry you had to go through this!

[Foolsgold]

It's tempting to take advantage of a one night fling w xBPD considering that's what they did to us.

[Circle]

It's tempting to take advantage of a one night fling w xBPD considering that's what they did to us.

Not after eight years of wiping their st*ff off the windshield it isn't. You'll see in time. They only leave stains.

[lovenature]

Do you feel an odd sense of closure or had you truly already achieved it?

It has been said many times on here that we need to give ourselves closure. A PWBPD makes up their own reality to fit their current emotion of the moment; you can be painted black or white in a matter of minutes, or years later. This post is a perfect example of why we need to detach and focus on ourselves.

Keep going down the right path Glenn.

[Herodias]

Good for you for figuring it out and doing the detective work to see the truth. I think if it happens again, you won't even have to do that work. I think those dating sites are full of people with character disorders. Be careful. I am glad we all have each other when we need this site. You never know what can happen... .

[Aussie0zborn]

Love the way you identified that, handled it and filed it away.

My ex contacted me last week after three years of my going NC and never breaking it, thanks to the wisdom I gained from BPD family.

I hope your story is one of inspiration for many here as it was for me.

[Confused108]

These psychos never ever change. Mine came back after 26 years people. Then I was Stupid enough 2 years after her finding me in Facebook to believe all her lies and out right B.S. She suckered me back in and then took me on the most hellish ride of my life. Dumped me thru an email last Sept "2015.  She was my childhood friend from 12 yo. So they don't give a rats a$$ how long you know them etc. it's all about them and no one else. I would love the opportunity for my ex to come back and for me to shove it down her throat that NO WaY in hell would I ever be so stupid  to believe her lies again and that I'm done with her.  I would Love the opportunity but I don't think I'll ever get it.

[Skyglass]

I too think it was great you were about to identify it and "file it away." It's a great reminder and inspirational story for those of us who may find ourselves in that same predicament many years later. TY for sharing!