Hi there

[Jennyfromthebloc]

Not really sure how to introduce my self but I'll give it a try! My husband is undiagnosed BPD. Highly functional BPD. He has attended anger management therapy for years now. His previous rage has improved dramatically. Anger issues still present though. Only very close business associates know of his issues, everyone else is oblivious- he even coaches our kids sports teams with no signs. However, I am his fourth wife so it tends to show dramatically in personal relationships! We have been married 6 years and have 4 kids. I'm here to get advice from those who have "been there, done that". I'm not here to solve issues as they are his, I'm here to get better advice on how to cope better myself. Hope y'all are enjoying this Friday!

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[VitaminC]

Hi there, Jenny

Welcome! 

Your post shows great self-awareness and steadiness. It's typical that only the ones closest to the pwBPD will know just how difficult relations can be. This can be another factor that makes these relationships very lonely places to be.

You are right that the only one you can help here is yourself. Having a better understanding of the condition and some tools to deal with communication difficulties will be useful for sure.

Please check the banner here on the right to start, if you haven't already. It has a lot of great information.

Are your children all quite young? How do you feel the parenting from your husband is? Have you friends or family that you rely on in any way? How are you coping in general? Is there anything specific you might like members to engage with first?

Look forward to hearing more from you, take care

[Jennyfromthebloc]

My oldest is 10 and youngest is 16 months. As far as parenting, he does a pretty good job- he doesn't lose his temper like he used to. He does get overwhelmed easily when they are all in his care-so I usually take 2 with me wherever I go.

What amazes me is the push and pull struggle that we go through in our relationship. I have chosen to build friendships (only ladies!) that are very fulfilling outside of our marriage- much bc the more I express interest in spending time (just he and I) together, the more he pushes away (a random business trip comes up, he doesn't feel like it etc.). Then he complains I'm always gone . I simply told him that I spend time with people that express interest in spending time with me. Was that ok? I know he has an awful time with rejection but it seems he doesn't really want me anyways. How do y'all deal with that? Maybe it's rejection issues of my own but him pushing me away gets old. Thanks for listening!