She'll just not let go

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Hi again.

I strongly recommend you to read some of my earlier posts. Just to get the whole picture of what's been going on after my PTSD/BPD girlfriend broke up.

Now 8 month after the breakup, and 11 weeks since i last heard from her. I have blocked her tot since august (4 month) but was so stupid to unblock her. I thought she also had moved on. She out of nowhere reported me to the police for stalking!

The positive thing about this is that had it been 4-5 months ago I would surely have hitt a serious setback, but now I really don't care. So it seems I have moved on in the right direction:-)

Basically she accused me for calling her on her phone? And then added some incidents from our relationship, that dates back as far as 1,5 year. All, execpt one episode, are pure lies, and I must admit that I'm a bitt shocked that she will go so far to control/win/hurt me!

The police was pretty sure that the charges will be dropped and the whole case just closed. Consider her mental history. And that it's word against word, except from some of the things she accused me for, I have witness that will tell a whole different story than hers.
And the fact that we lives 20 miles from each other, and at the time she contacted the police I didn't have a car... .so how would it even be possible for me to stalk her;-) By bus that takes 3 hours  LOL!

All this 11 weeks after her last phone call, that i did of course not answered. Why will she take it so far. I mean I haven't done anything to her, and not made even a smallest try to contact her. Why can't she not just move on and let me be?

It's like every time I'm almost out of her slipp stream she will contact me in one form or another. See earlier post!

Can somebody in-light me in where her need for this comes from?

Again. I do feel stronger and cable to sleep well at nights and started to eat normal again. I've lost 8 kg in 2 months on its worst!

Big hugs

Cosuffer 

[Cosuffer]

Hi again.

I strongly recommend you to read some of my earlier posts. Just to get the whole picture of what's been going on after my PTSD/BPD girlfriend broke up.

Now 8 month after the breakup, and 11 weeks since i last heard from her. I have blocked her tot since august (4 month) but was so stupid to unblock her. I thought she also had moved on. She out of nowhere reported me to the police for stalking!

The positive thing about this is that had it been 4-5 months ago I would surely have hitt a serious setback, but now I really don't care. So it seems I have moved on in the right direction:-)

Basically she accused me for calling her on her phone? And then added some incidents from our relationship, that dates back as far as 1,5 year. All, execpt one episode, are pure lies, and I must admit that I'm a bitt shocked that she will go so far to control/win/hurt me!

The police was pretty sure that the charges will be dropped and the whole case just closed. Consider her mental history. And that it's word against word, except from some of the things she accused me for, I have witness that will tell a whole different story than hers.
And the fact that we lives 20 miles from each other, and at the time she contacted the police I didn't have a car... .so how would it even be possible for me to stalk her;-) By bus that takes 3 hours  LOL!

All this 11 weeks after her last phone call, that i did of course not answered. Why will she take it so far. I mean I haven't done anything to her, and not made even a smallest try to contact her. Why can't she not just move on and let me be?

It's like every time I'm almost out of her slipp stream she will contact me in one form or another. See earlier post!

Can somebody in-light me in where her need for this comes from?

Again. I do feel stronger and cable to sleep well at nights and started to eat normal again. I've lost 8 kg in 2 months on its worst!

Big hugs

Cosuffer 

[rfriesen]

Hi Cosuffer,

So sorry to hear you're going through such stress and drama. You sound like you're handling it the best you can and making real progress. So don't lose sight of all the positives!

Can somebody in-light me in where her need for this comes from?

If she suffers from BPD, then she will have tremendous difficulty dealing with perceived abandonment and may go to extremes to establish that a connection still exists, even if only in a highly dysfunctional form. It sounds like your aim is to minimize contact and that seems the best course in the circumstances.

Again. I do feel stronger and cable to sleep well at nights and started to eat normal again. I've lost 8 kg in 2 months on its worst!

Wonderful! Keep looking forward!

[apollotech]

HI Cosuffer,

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you might be in for a long ride regarding her continuing to contact you. If she has BPD, she probably isn't going to end the attachment easily. That's a product of the disorder. There are multiple stories on these boards where contact has not been had for years, then, one day, out of the blue, the pwBPD just has to say Hi.

I am over a year out of my relationship now, no replies/contact at all from my side, yet I still get text messages every few weeks. (I never blocked my ex on anything.) Like you, thankfully, it doesn't upset me other than to make me feel sad for her.

This is a crude explanation as to your question regarding why: The need to retain attachments is due to a fractured or incomplete self, according to the professional literature that I have read. In as much, she sees you as a possible completion for her "self." It's a developmental issue that went haywire very early on.

Take care of yourself!

[Cosuffer]

Tanks for the feedback

What's worrying me now is what's gonna happened when the case get's dropped... .I imagine that she'll get angry and figure out another way to "get to me". I'm pretty sure she already feels frustrated, that I haven't reacted to her reporting me to the police, and when she get notified that the charges will be dropped, then what... .?

But then again, It's not my problem anymore. I'll just keep looking forward and moving on. But the idea that she might show up at my door again is not unrealistic. Her mind works like: fine the case was dropped so it kinda never happened, and therefor I can just continue like before!

I would like to hear a little bitt more from people where their ex keeps "showing up" in their lives even months and years after the breakup.

Have a good weekend 

[lovenature]

Her mind works like: fine the case was dropped so it kinda never happened, and therefor I can just continue like before!

A PWBPD makes up their own reality to fit their current emotion of the moment, and it goes for past, present and future. Forget about what actually happens in reality, in fact many times their view of things is the exact opposite of actual reality.
The saddest part of the disorder is the closer you get, the more you are pushed away; the opposite of normal human nature.

The above is why they can stay NC for even years and then contact you, acting like you just spoke to each other a few days ago.

My ex. (who lives across the street) has gone NC for 5 months face to face, and 1 month without calling before, then she showed up unexpected and started talking about things like we just saw each other yesterday.

NC, NC, NC, and if they contact you it is best to ignore any attempts, if not possible then be as boring and non-emotional as possible.

Always remember that BPD is a SERIOUS mental illness.

[Cosuffer]

Hi lovenature.

That's so head'n the nail!
Exactly like that you describe!

 

[ShadowA]

Just express your undying love to her. That'll make her go away.

[Rebecca333]

Shadow A, thanks for the good laugh!    

[Dhand77]

Just express your undying love to her. That'll make her go away.

Holy crap, that made me laugh.

[SummerStorm]

Some of them really won't let go, that's for sure.  It always makes me laugh when my BPD friend adds another friend on Facebook and I see that it's someone whom she had unfriended and blocked months before.  Earlier this year, her mom, stepbrother, and I were all unblocked and friended again on the same day.  Her mom and I joked about it and congratulated each other on finally being worthy of being her Facebook friend again. 

I can jest about all of this because she paints people black and says her exes were abusive, but she never goes as far as calling the police or getting a restraining order or anything.  Your situation is different because your ex is willing to call the police and accuse you of things.  The best advice I can give you is to not add fuel to the fire.  Change your phone number.  Block her on social media.  Do whatever you can to remove yourself from her drama. 

[Cosuffer]

Hei summerstorm

Yes. I've tot blocked her on all medias again. And consider to change my phone nr. Right now I'll just wait the storm off, and see what shell may do after being notified that her stalking order on me was dropped!

The weird thing are that during all this, she actually have moved, and I didn't know, since I have NC her for 4 months. A co worker told me. So I Googled her, and guess what... .She still have the same phone number and are listede with her new address! If I had a stalker and moved I would make dammed sure that I was unlisted, and i would change my phone nr! So much for the stalking charges  .

Guess I have to call her and tell I lover before she give up . Yes that was funny ShadowA:-)

Big hugs