Haven't lost hope

[Lostinlove14]

I'm just recently out of relationship where I still have hope in us working on our individual issues and reuniting. I just recently started therapy for myself for depression and anxiety where it was brought to my attention that my fiancé may have borderline personality disorder. I just went and bought the book walking on eggshells and read it from cover to cover, I couldn't believe how it described him perfectly. He was diagnosed as bipolar 14 years ago put on a spectrum of medications that were all ineffective. He now is being treated for ADHD but I believe he's misdiagnosed again. I want to be with him but he doesn't even know about my discovery and I don't know if I should or how to approach him. I don't know if he'd be willing to get help or not. So many people want me to give up and walk away. I can't!

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Naughty Nibbler]

Welcome Lostinlove14:   
I'm sorry about what you are going through with your partner.  BPD usually doesn't stand alone.  Typically,  bipolar, depression, ADHD, PTSD, etc. co-exist with the disorder.  It is common for different professionals to make a different diagnosis at various points of time.  It is generally best to not tell someone you think they have BPD, as it generally doesn't go well.

The best way to approach the situation is to learn about boundaries and various communication skills.  You can't change him, but you can manage the way you interact and react and embrace the reality of what life will always be like with a BPD.

There are some great workshops/tools at the links to the right of this post.  It can be a good place to start.  Are you able to share some of the problems you have interacting with your partner? 

[Mutt]

Hi lostinlove14,



I'd like to join Naughty Nibbler and welcome you to  bpdfamily. A r/s is a very personal thing, it's a personal choice if you want to stay or leave. It's easy for onlookers to give you their opinion but it's your r/s, although family and friends love you unconditionally and they probably mean well. That being said.

I hear differnt things about telling a loved one that you suspect that they have a PD, again I think that falls into the personal choice camp. How self aware is he? He was misdiagnosed with BiP? How did he take that news? Did he do the work in T for BiP or did he reject it?

Why Psychiatrists are Reluctant to Diagnose Borderline Personality Disorder, Joel Paris, MD.