Hiiiii

[Shedd]

So, I've finally come on to talk about my past relationship.  It's been 6 months since she completely broke ties with me.  We broke up in January, but remained friends until July.  I have loved her with all my heart and I cannot seem to stop caring for her even if it's from a distance.  I want to make sure she's ok.  I want to know what's going on in her life.  Since the day I met  her things have been so magical between us and I always thought she'd be my soulmate forever.  I knew she had a terrible time with abandoment issues and I wanted to be that person that would never leave her.  Even now, 6 months after I still feel like I can't leave.  We met at work.  I have been hating my job and I want to find a new one, but I can't seem to leave because of her.  I want to know that she's ok.  During our relationship she was seeking help, and a lot of it.  She always went to therapy.  Even when she broke up with me she claimed she was toxic and that it wasn't healthy for me to be in a relationship with her, but I didn't care.  I wanted to be that person to love her forever and I'm still stuck on this thought.  I don't want to be one of the people that has abandoned her in her life.  I don't want to be like the rest of those people. I can't seem to leave.

[fromheeltoheal]

Hi burnerin-

And welcome!  I'm sorry you're going through that, it is painful and confusing, although what you describe is common in these relationships, and many of us here have felt the same way, we understand.  It sounds like you care about her a great deal, and let me ask you: is it love you feel for her, or is it more of an addiction?  There's a lot of great information on this site, along with reading posts and posting your own; if you stick around for a while you'll connect with people who are or who have been where you are, and you won't be alone, so again, welcome.

Here's an article many of us have gotten good value from:  https://bpdfamily.com/content/surviving-break-when-your-partner-has-borderline-personality

[Shedd]

I really feel like it's love I feel for her.  I would have fought to keep her, but I wanted her to be happy. She was confused abour her sexuality. We were in a lesbian relationship. I didn't want her to feel trapped in a relationship she didn't think was working.  I feel like that's love? I guess I don't really know the difference.  I do care a great deal about her, and really miss her. She told me before that when she was ready we could talk, but I honeslty don't think she'll ever be ready to talk.

Hi burnerin-

And welcome!  I'm sorry you're going through that, it is painful and confusing, although what you describe is common in these relationships, and many of us here have felt the same way, we understand.  It sounds like you care about her a great deal, and let me ask you: is it love you feel for her, or is it more of an addiction?  There's a lot of great information on this site, along with reading posts and posting your own; if you stick around for a while you'll connect with people who are or who have been where you are, and you won't be alone, so again, welcome.

Here's an article many of us have gotten good value from:  https://bpdfamily.com/content/surviving-break-when-your-partner-has-borderline-personality

[fromheeltoheal]

I really feel like it's love I feel for her.  I would have fought to keep her, but I wanted her to be happy. She was confused abour her sexuality. We were in a lesbian relationship. I didn't want her to feel trapped in a relationship she didn't think was working.  I feel like that's love? I guess I don't really know the difference.  I do care a great deal about her, and really miss her. She told me before that when she was ready we could talk, but I honeslty don't think she'll ever be ready to talk.

I understand burnerin, and I'm sorry, that place is a painful one to be in.  You mention your focus on her happiness and what she wants, and you might also consider what you want, and can you get it from her?

[lovenature]

I feel like that's love? I guess I don't really know the difference.

Welcome burnerin

There is the "honeymoon" phase of a relationship where both partners fall in love with each other, this is the romantic, intimate love we feel.
Once the relationship progresses past the honeymoon stage, we start to see the flaws in our partner and vice versa, it is during this stage, and for the rest of the relationship, that we show our real love for our partner (empathy, compassion, respect, honesty, trust), and if BOTH partners put the other first-a healthy, strong, mature relationship flourishes.

When we show unconditional love to a mentally ill person who is unable to accept and reciprocate it, the result is very painful for both people.