Should I Stay or Should I Go?

[rosesarered777]

I am currently stuck.

If you have read my previous posts, my wife has separated from me after turning around and attacking me in a BPD rage. I defended myself out of self-preservation and walked away. This much was obvious to me but apparently the police still gave me a warning but no charge.

BPD wife's lawyer is a vicious one and is trying to make crazy demands, like the removal of her responsibility from the lease (not going to happen, I am filing in court separately) and a permanent restraining-order-like demands in the separation agreement. That is, she cannot go near my home or place or work and vice versa unless we mutually agree... which is a sign of my BPD wife's controlling/abusive tendencies. I also cannot sign their agreement for this reason as well.

I really love my BPD wife but I have no luck finding a career job in this city, her hometown. She seems determined to file for divorce a year after our marriage in July. It's been just over 4 months since I last spoke or saw her. I have to give 60 days notice if I am to move back home, which is not what I wish to do but there are no jobs here and she seems to still hate my guts with the blackest of black paint.

I am working but this place is too expensive for one person to live here alone. I am also isolated from all of my friends from my hometown, although it is even more expensive to live there than it is here. No one I know from here is out of a lease and could co-rent with me in this place.

My BPD wife seems to be a higher functioning BPD that her mom says 'has always been that way' (the source of her BPD, it seems) so most people think I am possessive or making things up. My BPD wife has always suggested to others that I am the alcoholic (gaslighting) when I only started drinking more often with her and her constant stressors around. She has also bad-mouthed me to her family many times over the years, making her seem like a saintly victim.

I don't want to leave but the optimist in me thinks she will reach out before the end of my lease, as she reached out before the end of hers to move here without me. She is well aware that this lease is finished soon so that is why I believe she wants to rush the separation agreement. She seems scared of me when she was the aggressor over the times, being verbally and physically abusive.

In the past, she has reached out after 2-3 months but we will be hitting 5 months at the end of this month. I really missed her in the first 1-2 months but now its more of a moderate depression.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey rosesarered, Only you can answer that question, which involves figuring out what is the right path for you.  What would you like to see happen?  Are you interested in a recycle if the opportunity arises?  If so, what makes you think it would end differently?

LuckyJim

[rosesarered777]

Hey rosesarered, Only you can answer that question, which involves figuring out what is the right path for you.  What would you like to see happen?  Are you interested in a recycle if the opportunity arises?  If so, what makes you think it would end differently?

LuckyJim

I would like to see her return but I feel like I have been painted so black that there is no return. Frankly, I have no idea how she is affording to live in an apartment!

I promised her kids before 35 so it makes me wonder whether she will remember that promise?

I may not expect for it to end differently but she did demand kids only a few short months ago. since the split, she said no kids to me and has now put on her dating profile 'no kids', which surprised me.

I forgot to mention that she has retained a lawyer for a divorce but is mired in debt. I know the money she owes to her CC is well overdue, so it blows me away to think how she is affording food and rent at all!

She is trying to get out of the $3500 or so that she owes on our finishing lease. I will not sign an agreement to waive her portion of the lease and there is nothing she can do but take me to court... which neither her or I can obviously afford! My lawyer knows there is no deal if her lawyer refuses to agree to paying me back, so I may have to take her to small claims to get my money back. She is in a very bad legal situation in this sense, pretty much a no-win scenario.