Pets

[lookingforanswer]

Anyone find that having a pet improves BPD behaviour in the house? I watch dogs short term and I feel like the dysfunctional behaviour improves, but only for at most 2 weeks. That could coincide with the fact that dog is leaving so I'm not sure if this would be a long term improvement.

Just wondering about this and wanted to see if anyone had concrete evidence that this was the case.

I would get a pack of dogs if thought this would help

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[VitaminC]

Hi there lookingforananswer,

Interesting. It makes sense. My own ex loved my cat and expressed himself differently when the cat was hanging around. Later one he got two cats himself and, from what I can tell, they are a source of uncomplicated joy in his life.

I think that's the key, the simple joy that dogs (more than cats) will have just to see you, is nothing at all like the complications of human relationships. Dogs are a source of constant validation for their keepers. And that's what pwBPD need - constant, uncomplicated, validation and no demands of emotional reciprocity. Also, the sense of fun dogs approach everything with, is just great to be around for anyone, BPD or no.

I don't think it would be a cure-all, and I know you're not suggesting that, but I can see that the devotion of a dog and the structure that caring for one would impose on life, could possibly be a good stabilizer.

Let's see what others say. woof

[Sunfl0wer]

I suppose this is something that depends on the person, some folks doing well, others not.  My sis who has BPD, is very very overbearing to her pets.  She "loves" on them to the point that when she is lonely, does not allow them space, and they respond by acting traumatized.  She thinks it is a silly game... .and funny to see how they respond to her smothering them.  She cannot see that the animals actually are literally behaving odd and traumatized... .or she thinks it is a result of them being a rescue or such.  She also cannot care for them properly with vet appointments, and cleaning up after them.  She ends up "disposing" of them when they become too much for her... .and just either lets them out on their own or finds someone to take them.  Each time, she is devastated about it, buy still repeats it.

[malibu4x]

It would say it depends. 

My wife insisted we get a dog earlier this year.  I did not like the idea - the poop, the feeding, the walking, the finding someone to take care of it if you go on vacation or need to travel, or just to go to the beach for the day. 
I was "Mr. Killjoy" and she campaigned with the kids to make me feel guilty for not letting them.  (this could be any family situation, not necessarily BPD related) 
 
I thought, well maybe it will give my wife something to do during the day - she can have company, take it on walks, go to the park with him, etc.

Well, that lasted for about a month. 
The stress of dealing with potty training was a nightmare. 
He ate through probably $500 worth of shoes.  Destroyed many other household items.  Rugs needed to be thrown out.
He jumped on people when they came to our house (which was extremely embarrassing <shame> for wife)
I ended up being the one taking him on walks, runs, bike rides, etc.
He had "too much" energy for her and she basically abandoned him - would go in her room and close the door so he wouldn't come in and bother.  I would have him come in and sit with me in my office. 

This was my case.  Maybe if we had adopted an older more mellow dog, it would have worked out.  But I would approach with eyes wide open and a lot of caution.