Thanks

[tafkas]

My time on here has been brief. It feels a bit selfish to be leaving so soon. It goes against my fixer nature but I've been told the healthy way to use a support group is to take what you can from it, use it to help you heal and then leave.

I don't think I'm healed from being with a borderline, to be honest I'm not sure whether I'll ever fully get over that shock. However, over a year after being discarded like a piece of garbage I was still as lost as if it had only happened the day before. When I found out that she was in fact something called a 'borderline' I made massive strides towards understanding. Finally, the madness had some sort of a behavioural norm. I wasn't alone or the first to experience this type of trauma.

When I found this site I made further strides. Discovering that other guys had experienced the exact same scenarios (even down to the minutia) was in some ways validating. It wasn't something I had done (or not done). We just so happened to have been drawn to (or chosen) women who had an innate form of programming that was inevitably going to cause us a hellish amount of pain. The conclusion was tragic but almost certainly inevitable.

I have worked out that my mother was a borderline. I asked my father last week if she had ever been diagnosed. I was about to inform him of my findings. He said she hadn't been diagnosed but 30 years ago he had undergone a psychology course at work. He suspected something called 'borderline personality disorder'. The fact he had known all along was quite a revelation. Ending up in a long term relationship with one is no longer that surprising.

I still have constant thoughts about my borderline but am now working through the damage that my borderline mother has wrought in an attempt to undo my attraction to these toxic women. Naturally my borderline has 'split' me. I know they can't really be platonic and I find this heart wrenching and tragic. Like the rest of you I never got any closure and I probably never will.

However, plenty of reading and the connections made on this site have give me the closest thing to closure I think I'm going to get. C Stein, you particularly resolved a question for me that had tortured me for over a year. (A member) (he knows who he is) and I were able to Skype, dismiss the thousands of miles between us, form a bond and talk for ages about our borderlines and their similarities. I know you are having a hard time my friend, one day we'll look back on this (hopefully in person) and laugh. Everybody else who has shared their pain, I thank you for your candour and wish you well in the battle to get over your trauma.

I may well yet be back here, my healing is not yet complete but I think all your contributions have helped me a good way along the road. Good luck and thank-you. Some of you probably don't realise how helpful you have truly been. It really is appreciated !  

[gotbushels]

Hi tafkas   

Thank you for sharing your message.

Having a borderline parent can be difficult. The act of discovering it can be too. Even more distressing are any effects that you perceive it has that has flowed into your own life with intimate relationships. These kinds of pains, I think, can be quite difficult to forgive.

I encourage you to explore other areas of the site. There are areas relating to borderline family members and healing that may be of interest to you.

I'd like to share that your participation here is your own choice. Part of the job that some of us nons adhere to here is acting in a manner consistent with our own values and beliefs. I do think that being careful of fixing-behaviour is of special importance to a large amount of us here. But I do also think that staying does not necessarily make one a "fixer" of others.    These choices are our own--whether we're conscious of them or otherwise.

I wish you well on your recovery.

[heartandwhole]

Hi tafkas,

Sometimes a breakup with a pwBPD is more of a beginning than an ending. We discover so much about ourselves, our family dynamics, our friends and loved ones. It can be the start a another great journey of self-discovery.

All the best to you, and know that we are here anytime you need support along the way.

heartandwhole