Christmas hell

[badknees1]

Sounds contradictory doesn't it. But my BPD wife is raging at me for 2 days now. I triggered it by arguing about a Christmas card I left in our room... .that's it. I used JADE but lost patience but it was went to crap. Now I am the target of rages and then she sleeps rages etc etc.trying to find the Christmas Spirit but it's just gone. I did read Luke''s
Narrative of Christ's birth so maybe I have some hopes. I fear the rest of today and the week and Christmas eve and today. Please share how you other caregivers are coping.

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[drained1996]

I used JADE but lost patience but it was went to crap.

I'm a little confused... .JADE is something to avoid, not to use.  The tools in the right part of the margin here are more the goal.  Empathy, validation, wisemind, boundaries... .

I get it though, it's tough when faced with the day to day barrage on our whole systems that BPD's unleash our way sometimes.

[isilme]

H always is on the volatile side this time of year.  He's had a "mini-rage" each day since late Saturday, and while they end somewhat, I know another is just around the corner.

He feels judged (while doing quite a bit of judging) and so both wants to impress everyone while at the same time feeling nothing is ever good enough, so he goes through bouts of being overly active and angrily morose.  His sister, his parents - what he thinks they think of him makes him hate being around them.  I am NC with my family (both parents BPD), and can tell you, no matter how bad he thinks HIS family is, any family you've not had to go NC with is better than what I grew up with.  Biut I can see, when I a not feeling hurt by his needling and yelling, that he is really in a lot of pain.  Sure, most of it's caused by his own feelings, whcih are often based on incorrect assumptions.  But he's a wounded animal, lashing out.  

Growing up, my parents fought a lot at Christmas, and we even got evicted at Christmas once (my mom OD'ed to avoid telling us, as if that would help).  After we spent days in the hospital with her, we had to move suddenly across several states to her father's house, which also fell apart soon after.  I always seemed to take some solace by the tree.  I dunno, maybe it's the lights, but sitting by the tree helps me.  I fight really hard to feel some sort of calm and peace at this time of year.  I know that a cranky hurt man is not the worst I've faced, and as much as his outbursts can hurt, I try to not let them in as much.

Holiday's are hard for many.  We expect a lot from this time of year, we hope for the peace and joy we're told is a right by Hollywood.  I don't have my own family, they are far too toxic.  H has issues that at times seem beyond his control, and make him hurtful.  But I am happy I have a roof over my head, a warm house, food, and even am fortunate to have some presents under the tree, and at times, a partner who can be loving and kind.  

I hope you have a Merry Christmas, even if there is a "grinch" in the house whose heart needs to grow a few sizes.

[storagecold]

Sounds contradictory doesn't it. But my BPD wife is raging at me for 2 days now. I triggered it by arguing about a Christmas card I left in our room... .that's it. I used JADE but lost patience but it was went to crap. Now I am the target of rages and then she sleeps rages etc etc.trying to find the Christmas Spirit but it's just gone. I did read Luke''s
Narrative of Christ's birth so maybe I have some hopes. I fear the rest of today and the week and Christmas eve and today. Please share how you other caregivers are coping.

Welcome. I used to love Christmas, but now it's the time of year I (and many here) dread the most.

I'm not clear on what started the rage? What did she say/what was she angry about? I have been through many years of trigger/rage/resolution any may be able to offer some advice.