Introduction

[LtDeltaBravo]

I have been married to my wife for 10 years, she has a clinical diagnosis of BPD (one which she goes back and forth on accepting) Our problems started 6 years ago while I was in Iraq.
these last 6 years have been a nightmare, this last year was extremely hellish after she had multiple affairs and flaunted them in my face telling me that she was just "exploring all of her options" in reference to partners, and in the end I am still with her because the other "options" quickly realized that something wasn't right.  I love her! I am not pathetic or afraid to be alone we have 2 children together and I remember the women she was, I know she still in there. I need help, I cant do this alone anymore 

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Meili]

Being in a relationship with someone who has BPD can be hard enough without dealing with multiple affairs. I am sorry that you've had to go through that. Perhaps this is an area in which you can establish and maintain a boundary?

How long ago was she diagnosed? Is she in therapy now?

[LtDeltaBravo]

Sorry just saw your post I have been busy.  She was diagnosed for over 12 years, she is currently taking medications for mood (ozocarbamezine) and a antidepressant which she keeps having changed, was paxcel then Prozac not sure now she just had it changed 3 days ago. She was not playing her online games for a awhile and things got better but now she starting to focus on them again

[Meili]

Online gaming addiction can cause problems. My ex-wife (uBPD) was a gamer and it would cause dysreguation. I tried to help reduce her game-time by trying to do things with her outside of the house. It helped for a while.

[LtDeltaBravo]

I recently finished reading the Book "The essential family guide to BPD, Tools to stop walking on egg shells" it was very informative and an easy read. The book has helped me understand my wife a little better, though this doesn't give her an easy out for her behavior atleast I understand that not everything she does is intentionally done to cause conflict.  I have been setting boundaries with her but not in an all or nothing fight mode I have been choosing to tell her about my boundaries during good times and this has been working out for me so far. I still have a hard time with her affairs, it was just the number of affairs in the short amount of time that leaves me feeling honestly emasculated, its hard to be intimate with her

[LtDeltaBravo]

My BP wife tells me everything is my fault, that her decisions were a direct result of my actions. Well I can finally say that her decisions are not my doing, I have no power to influence her in that way and every time she hurt me by having affair after affair... .that was her choice not mine. I am not to blame for her choices or her illness... I love her still I know the women I married is still there and I will work with her as long as she works with me. Nothing worth doing is ever easy and she is worth it.