Custody of child for non BPD

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I am  very concerned because it is becoming more apparent every day that my wife has experience extensive and continuous sexual abuse as a child from her father her father is very unstable emotionally and mentally and he's around our son on a regular basis my concern is his abuse emotionally sexually and physically. I am concerned hus abuse could turn into abuse to our two-year-old son as he is around them all the time I am not for sure how this can be proven in court unless there is an admission or someone in the family such as a sisterreports it I'm just confused on what I could possibly do in this situation. The mother/ wife has all symptoms of BPD and is very promiscuous and has multiple sexual  partners and extreme alcoholic. She honestly in my opinion puts Son in great risk. I have hired a psychologist that will provide for a testimony and that will be helpful the attorney seems confident but I still am just concerned on what if anything can be done prior to final hearing and would anybody in my shoes accept mediation where you actually negotiated joint custody I feel like the joint custody would still put him at risk please advise

[Foolsgold]

I am  very concerned because it is becoming more apparent every day that my wife has experience extensive and continuous sexual abuse as a child from her father her father is very unstable emotionally and mentally and he's around our son on a regular basis my concern is his abuse emotionally sexually and physically. I am concerned hus abuse could turn into abuse to our two-year-old son as he is around them all the time I am not for sure how this can be proven in court unless there is an admission or someone in the family such as a sisterreports it I'm just confused on what I could possibly do in this situation. The mother/ wife has all symptoms of BPD and is very promiscuous and has multiple sexual  partners and extreme alcoholic. She honestly in my opinion puts Son in great risk. I have hired a psychologist that will provide for a testimony and that will be helpful the attorney seems confident but I still am just concerned on what if anything can be done prior to final hearing and would anybody in my shoes accept mediation where you actually negotiated joint custody I feel like the joint custody would still put him at risk please advise

[ForeverDad]

Has she admitted to you her abuse at the hands of her father?  Do others know and would they testify?  Do you have any documentation of her telling you - recordings, emails, texts?  Without a professional stepping forward or tangible documentation it could just become "he said, she said" and the court may see it as separation bickering that isn't substantiated.

[livednlearned]

Being proactive is a good thing to do with a child who has a BPD parent.

That might entail talking to people who deal with child sexual assault/abuse to ask them how best to proceed, how to talk to your child in a way that fits developmentally.

It's possible to file emergency ex parte motions (which means going ahead with an action before a judge rules, as opposed to after). Every state seems to treat them differently. In my state, an emergency ex parte order gets pushed through very quickly, usually there is someone in the court system (often the judge) who approves the action, at least until a hearing can be scheduled.

If you do that, it's important to have documentation to back up your claim, otherwise it can look like chicken little, or an attempt to set up the other parent, (he said, she said, like FD mentions).