She sees me as something I am not?

[Tosquinha]

Last night she texted me wanting help with her daughter's phone.  We moved out almost a week ago and she never asked where we moved to or even asked how we are doing.  Just wanted help with the phone. 

She texts again this morning wondering if this is my new phone number and does she need to remove hers from the plan and did the bill get paid.  I did respond saying that my number is the same as the last 7 years, and the bill gets paid the same as the last 7 years as well.

Her last relationship the gf turned her phone off at the end without telling her.  I'd never do that, but seems like I get to pay that price.  She's all worried that I will clean out bank accounts and I've never done that either.  She's said before she worries that I'll get revenge on her but I don't even think like that.  So in the process, she treats me like crap because that's how she'd treat another person or someone else did these things to her.

So really, did she know me at all?  Was she having a relationship with ME or just replaying the past ones and at the same time deflecting her crap onto me?

Makes me sad to think she only had this relationship with herself. 

[Hisaccount]

I think that is normal. I fight a lot of that too.
For my ex I can stop her and say, hey it is me, you know me and she will usually back off.

For me, my ex has people telling her I am going to do all these things and  deep down she knows what she told them is not true. But she still has fears.

Mine thinks I will destroy all her stuff, dump the cell phone plan and vehicle insurance.
I haven't yet. Why would I now?
Told her I will handle it like the kids, I will keep paying until you are ready to take it over.

It sucks fighting that all the time, we shouldn't have to tell them that we are good people.

[vortex of confusion]

Her last relationship the gf turned her phone off at the end without telling her.  I'd never do that, but seems like I get to pay that price. 

Here is something to think about. . .did she ever tell you why her girlfriend turned off the phone without telling her? I ask this because there are things that ex has said and done that painted me out to be somebody I am not. He was so afraid that I would do a, b, or c. I am not the kind of person to do those things. Now, I am considering doing those things because he is unwilling/unable to take charge of his own life or anything else. How long do you plan on continuing to pay for her phone and take care of her? Is there a point where you might get tired of it and turn it off because she is not making any moves to change anything or do anything different?

Ex has used his fears of me doing as a way to keep me in this place of limbo. I am so afraid of being mean/b***y/whatever that I am having a difficult time looking out for myself. In my attempts to prove to him that I am NOT the person he sees me as, I am failing to take care of myself. I am slowly moving towards doing some of the things that he was so afraid of me doing. It is like he is backing me into a corner and the only option I have is doing things like seeking legal assistance or cutting him off without communicating with him about it. Trying to work out something or talk to him about things leads to him making excuses for not stepping up. He will put me off and say things like, "When Y happens, I will do X." Y doesn't happen so he doesn't do X and I am told that I am being impatient and that I am pretty much the monster that he painted me out to be.

So really, did she know me at all?  Was she having a relationship with ME or just replaying the past ones and at the same time deflecting her crap onto me?

She knew the person that she wanted you to be. I suspect there was a lot of projecting.

I often wonder if ex ever truly knew me at all. He tells the kids stuff like, "Oh, don't do that, your mom is going to get mad." The kids do it anyway and I don't get mad and he looks like a jerk. He is the one that gets mad, not me. There are so many things that ex doesn't seem to know about me any more.

Makes me sad to think she only had this relationship with herself. 

You were having a relationship with yourself as well. I have had the thought that he was only having a relationship with himself. I was doing the same. I was trying to overlook his flaws and give him the benefit of the doubt and have compassion for him. I was having a relationship with the person I wanted him to be rather than the person he actually was.