Experience with BPD partner talking about BPD?

[earlyL]

Does anyone have any experience in talking to their partner about their BPD. I have done so much reading about it recently and actually don’t know whether explaining that to her would help or make her feel worse?

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Onaride]

I'm sure everyone is different, but I never had much luck. As much as I tried to be empathetic and supportive, she always viewed it as assigning a label to her that she didn't deserve. If you do attempt it, perhaps it can be super empathetic and about how you've been reading and think you have a much better feeling about what she must be going through.

[Tattered Heart]

For me personally I've tried to talk to my uBPDh about having mental illness and it did not go well at all. He thought I was calling him crazy and since I thought he was crazy he began to act like he was. I could tell it hurt him for me to think that about him (unlike the minor offenses that upset him). It broke his heart to think his wife thought of him as mentally unstable. I've never brought it up again.

Knowing that he has BPD helps me. To him, it would just put a label on him and he would feel like he has no control over it. I think of the South Park episode where Stan's dad has to go to AA. While in AA he hears that alcoholilsm is an uncurable sickness. Within a day, the dad began to get so sick he was in a wheelchair. Even though alcoholism was a problem for him, giving it a name made him worse. Does that make sense?

[earlyL]

Hi both,

Thank you so much, this is really helpful. My partner is also diagnosed which is a help to me and I think you are right to tread cautiously. I feel so awful her not knowing I am on this forum and reading books on the subject, it feels like more lies, but I think you are right. The South Park reference is brilliant and totally makes sense. I have decided to seek out therapy for myself, so perhaps this is the best way that I can explain my new insight - which of course is true in itself anyway.

Louise

[rosesarered777]

Partner was diagnosed by a 3-person team 3ish years ago. She went into a major rage at her parents and then claimed the doctors were all wrong once they asked for further sessions to pinpoint her actual condition.

She will not admit that the doctors are right and will get angry if it is ever mentioned. I doubt she will ever receive help unless perhaps if it gets even worse and unavoidable.