It hasn't been a good holiday

[Depression = 72% of members]

As mentioned in my last post, child protective services came by my home today around 3:30. My father and I, thankfully, were the only ones there to speak with them, as a result of my sister having to work today (despite him telling her to come home anyways for the CPS).
They asked us reasonable questions. They did their job well, and clearly understood that what my father and I were explaining to them was the truth.
However, now we are entering the aftermath of it all.
My sister, will be attending therapy once the CPS recommends someone specializing in such situations to my father. Hopefully this works, if she doesn't sit there, and say nothing.
My immediate family, however, is disappointed with her. I spoke with my eldest sister today, and she told me that, she too, feels disappointed/disturbed because of the whole situation, and that this isn't the sister she knows.
That she should know better.
I agree. But I know she can't help the way she thinks.
It's just difficult.
In the meantime, I am going to go and see a friend tomorrow to try and relax. At the same time, I am afraid to leave my family alone with her. I'm even afraid to sleep in my own bed tonight because of her, as well as the whole situation.
I am deeply disturbed because of this.
She even had the courage to walk around with her electronic in hand after, something she is not supposed to have, while staring me dead in the eye.
She wants a reaction out of me, I feel. I did not give her such.
I'm just so tired. The breathing techniques previously suggested to me helped some, but I still feel like I'm about to be sick because of the stress. I know this situation isn't over, but how can I deal with someone this ill?

[Mister Watson]

As mentioned in my last post, child protective services came by my home today around 3:30. My father and I, thankfully, were the only ones there to speak with them, as a result of my sister having to work today (despite him telling her to come home anyways for the CPS).
They asked us reasonable questions. They did their job well, and clearly understood that what my father and I were explaining to them was the truth.
However, now we are entering the aftermath of it all.
My sister, will be attending therapy once the CPS recommends someone specializing in such situations to my father. Hopefully this works, if she doesn't sit there, and say nothing.
My immediate family, however, is disappointed with her. I spoke with my eldest sister today, and she told me that, she too, feels disappointed/disturbed because of the whole situation, and that this isn't the sister she knows.
That she should know better.
I agree. But I know she can't help the way she thinks.
It's just difficult.
In the meantime, I am going to go and see a friend tomorrow to try and relax. At the same time, I am afraid to leave my family alone with her. I'm even afraid to sleep in my own bed tonight because of her, as well as the whole situation.
I am deeply disturbed because of this.
She even had the courage to walk around with her electronic in hand after, something she is not supposed to have, while staring me dead in the eye.
She wants a reaction out of me, I feel. I did not give her such.
I'm just so tired. The breathing techniques previously suggested to me helped some, but I still feel like I'm about to be sick because of the stress. I know this situation isn't over, but how can I deal with someone this ill?

[Naughty Nibbler]

Hey Mister Watson:
Check out the link below. It has a section on domestic violence. It is best to have a plan in place in case your sister acts as if she is about to get physical with you again or another family member.  After reading it, you might want to discuss it with your dad, when your sister isn't there.

Your safety and well being is important.  Don't be afraid to call the police, if your sister gets out of hand and violent.

Can you lock your bedroom door?  If you can't, there are portable door lock devices that people buy for traveling.  You can find them online (Amazon, etc.). You position it once you are in your room, with the door closed.  Something like that might make you feel safe (if you can't currently lock your door).

SAFETY
SAFETY FIRST- CLICK HERE

[P.F.Change]

Hi, Mr. Watson,

It sounds like your holiday is indeed off to a stressful start. It's not pleasant to feel anxious and I can understand your distress. I like that you're thinking about solutions to help yourself cope, such as using a breathing practice and planning a visit with your friend. Hopefully that will be a pleasant and restorative time for you.

It's definitely exhausting when we feel we have to be on guard all the time. I've been away from the board for a while, so I'm not familiar with the specifics of your situation yet (I will catch up), but NaughtyNibbler's advice is good--we all want you to feel safe. Do you have any other solutions in mind in terms of places you can go alone or with your family for a while, such as visiting a park or sleeping over at a friend's house?

Do you have a counselor of your own yet?

Wishing you peace,

PF

[Janneke]

Someone had good suggestions of places to get out of the house. I find exercise super helpful for coping with stress - a gym, the pool, some outdoor activity (e.g. ski or bike or whatever, depending on your climate!)

[Mister Watson]

I do apologize for the late reply, but this helps nonetheless.

I will, hopefully, be contacting a therapist soon, and will, if things go well, be seeing them every Friday.

Considering school. But I am quite happy that this will be happening!

And as for safe spaces, I do have friends who will be more than happy to have me over. I don't necessarily explain why I'm making plans with them, as, in part, I would like to see them, but a break every now and then from my sister is quite nice.
I only leave, however, when I know my family is okay alone with her, without me there.

But, if I don't have a place to go over, I tend to take to a small corner with my laptop, and write. I have, recently, been trying to go to the gym to relax, which has helped somewhat, and I will be picking up hiking in the summer, hopefully!

But aside from that, that is it. I find it works most of the time, but if not, I simply endure.
It's not going to be like this forever, is what I keep telling myself.
And, again, thank you very much for all of your kind words, everyone. They really do help 

[P.F.Change]

Hey, Mister Watson,

You're right that things won't be the same forever. It sounds like you're taking some positive steps to improve what you can. How's it going in the search for a therapist? Hiking is one of my favorite things. It's restorative to be in nature. I'm glad you have friends who can offer you some safe space, too.

You seem to feel the burden of protecting the children in your home. That can be a heavy load. I want to make sure I understand the situation--they are your siblings, correct? If you don't mind my asking, how many, and how old are they? Was CPS involved based on your sister's behavior toward them, or for some other reason?

Keep looking after yourself. How have you been managing lately with the stress?

[Mister Watson]

The search for a therapist has been a bit challenging, but I feel as if it is something I simply have to put time towards, which I certainly will.

Regarding the situation, however, they aren't necessarily my siblings. Yes, I do feel concern over my two sisters, seeing as how they are acting out towards the littlest of things, but, the people in my family I feel uneasy with leaving alone with my youngest sister, is my father, stepmother, and my stepmother's son. He is thirteen, my youngest sister is fourteen, and my eldest sister is twenty.

CPS was involved solely because of the physical fight and screaming matches my sister had caused, yet, they came to our home because she had said that my father and I were the ones abusing her. We spoke with them, and they seemed to understand. They have still yet to talk with my father about recommending a therapist for my youngest sister.

As for stress management, I've mostly been taking hot showers, baths, along with me taking to writing again, and watching videos that peak my interest. It seems to be working

[P.F.Change]

Thanks for that reply, Mr. Watson. It helps me understand your situation a little more clearly.

I'm really happy to hear that you're doing things that are helping you manage your stress. That's so great that you have found some solutions that are working for you.

That's interesting to me that you feel a need to protect your father and stepmother. If it's ok, I'd like to ask you a little more about that. Have you given it much thought that, as the adults, maybe they should be the protectors? How did you come to feel this responsibility is yours?

[Mister Watson]

I actually haven't given it much thought, to tell you the truth. I don't want to say that one theory is definite, and that it is the ultimate reason as to why I feel this way, but I do have a couple of thoughts in mind.
I'll use this as an example.
I am the only one in my family that enjoys camping. My friend invites me each year to come camping with her and her family, as I have grown quite close with them all, for a maximum of four days. And, naturally, without fail, almost every time I have come home from these camping trips, something bad has happened (my sister moving down to Georgia, for starters, for a boy she met on Tumblr, after giving my father minimal time to take this all in).
Perhaps I feel as if I need to be there to help them out, that I should be there to possibly help diffuse the situation, give them comfort, whoever it is that needs reassurance. And with me being gone, the camping trips being an example, perhaps I feel uncomfortable with the thought that I can't do that if a situation comes to rise?
Aside from that, however, I honestly haven't a clue as to why I feel this way. These are all theories, but, maybe thinking on this more will help give me some insight?

(sorry for the late replies, by the way! I do appreciate all the help you have given me!)