My BPD boyfriend broke up with me abruptly and harshly

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

Hi,
I have been in a romantic relationship since feb. 5, 2015 with a man that i loved more than any man in my life (at least that is how it feel) he tortured me many time, lied to me, dis me the silent treatment every 2 weeks or so, cheated on me, punished me, blamed me for everything that was going wrong in his life (including drinking and losing his job and not being present for his son) but despite that i stayed i cared for him i trusted him over and over, i sacrificed for him, i tried to please him. At one point (too late) i realized i was in with a BdP not because i realized by myself but because he started twlling me I was a BPD to finally tell me me he was a BPD. That is when i started my research and he fitted all the traits. I was walking on eggshell and unhappy 50% of the time to live the other incredible fusion passionate love during the other 50% of the time. We broke up/came back to each other many many time i cant even count. I would never be able to maintain the distance and would take him back everytime because i missed him and had hope that we could be good most of the time and learn to resolve our issues. But when we fight he would tell me the most atrocious thing so mean that it would be unbelievable and he would always blame me even him cheating on me was my fault. He left for 40 days in a yoga retreat in december without consulting me, i missed him but was happy he was doing it to get better to stop drinking so i encouraged him. He is suppose to come back in a week but we had a fight and he stop answering all my text and call and email out of the blue for three days. First i was worried but his ex wife told me he was in contact with her so i knew he was ignoring me to hurt me. I beg him to at least tell me what was going on he answer me in a short email "am moving on i suggest you do the same. There is nothing left between us. sorry this is hard" and that is it just like that. I think he has been prepRing that leaving for so long being distAnt once there. bottom line am obsessed i can barely breath i think about him all the time i want to text him to beg him to take me back its really painful. I don't know how to cope with this break up. I don't understand it. He told me he wanted a life with me kids that he loved me all that was a lie? How can he just leave like that after all we have been through?

[hope thompson]

Hi,
I have been in a romantic relationship since feb. 5, 2015 with a man that i loved more than any man in my life (at least that is how it feel) he tortured me many time, lied to me, dis me the silent treatment every 2 weeks or so, cheated on me, punished me, blamed me for everything that was going wrong in his life (including drinking and losing his job and not being present for his son) but despite that i stayed i cared for him i trusted him over and over, i sacrificed for him, i tried to please him. At one point (too late) i realized i was in with a BdP not because i realized by myself but because he started twlling me I was a BPD to finally tell me me he was a BPD. That is when i started my research and he fitted all the traits. I was walking on eggshell and unhappy 50% of the time to live the other incredible fusion passionate love during the other 50% of the time. We broke up/came back to each other many many time i cant even count. I would never be able to maintain the distance and would take him back everytime because i missed him and had hope that we could be good most of the time and learn to resolve our issues. But when we fight he would tell me the most atrocious thing so mean that it would be unbelievable and he would always blame me even him cheating on me was my fault. He left for 40 days in a yoga retreat in december without consulting me, i missed him but was happy he was doing it to get better to stop drinking so i encouraged him. He is suppose to come back in a week but we had a fight and he stop answering all my text and call and email out of the blue for three days. First i was worried but his ex wife told me he was in contact with her so i knew he was ignoring me to hurt me. I beg him to at least tell me what was going on he answer me in a short email "am moving on i suggest you do the same. There is nothing left between us. sorry this is hard" and that is it just like that. I think he has been prepRing that leaving for so long being distAnt once there. bottom line am obsessed i can barely breath i think about him all the time i want to text him to beg him to take me back its really painful. I don't know how to cope with this break up. I don't understand it. He told me he wanted a life with me kids that he loved me all that was a lie? How can he just leave like that after all we have been through?

[Larmoyant]

Hi hope thomson, I can relate to your pain as all of us can here and I’m so sorry. Your story is so very familiar unfortunately, but if it’s some small comfort you’ve found the right place to help you both understand what’s likely been happening and support you through it. Welcome to BPD family  . It’s very painful when someone promises you such a happy future only to suddenly change their mind. My ex would often tell me “I’ve moved on” only to reappear again sometime later. Is this likely to happen with yours do you think? Do you think he'll make contact again? 

[heartandwhole]

Hi hope thomson,



I'd like to join  Larmoyant in welcoming you to  bpdfamily. I'm so sorry to hear about your breakup. Such an abrupt about-face is extremely painful, especially when you sacrificed so much to stay in it. I have been there, too, unfortunately, and can  understand your confusion and pain.    Many of our members have been in similar situations—you are not alone.

Do you have supportive friends and family whom you can lean on, hope? Have you been to see a therapist? It is important to get some support around you right now, as you need TLC and understanding. Don't try to go it alone, if you don't have to.

When I first got here I felt very confused and hurt. This article really helped me:

Surviving a Break-up when Your Partner has Borderline Personality

Does it resonate with you, too?

Keep writing, it really helps. We're here for you.

heartandwhole