Spouse has BPD

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hello, My name is Larry, I am married to a person that I love deeply and care about very much. We have been married 10 years and it certainly has been a roller coaster of emotional good and bad. My wife and I have a good relationship as much as possible with her BPD, I know she loves me deeply and is thoughtful about my feelings and needs. She has lived a very conflicted and confrontational life prior to our meeting and marrying. She is very headstrong and hard to talk to about issues that involve or center on her. She also has had a very poor relationship with her two adult daughters and the oldest one just got married and did not invite her mother to the wedding. Many hurtful things were said between them and I have always told my wife that I hold hope of their relationship getting mended and better but this I fear has sent it totally in the destructive direction. We live in different states due to my job that I have to work another year and a half to retire from and she lives out near the state where she is from to help her since she couldn't live where I am due to her extreme dislike for the area and location. Life has been a challenge everyday and I do live on pins and needles with much worry and concern for her. I do try to be honest with her and direct her in a direction of seeing and facing things honestly and directly, sometimes it works and other times it doesn't. She is not employed outside of the home and has cats for pets. I try to support her anyway I can that I feel doesn't just support her negative, depressive feelings and emotions. I decided to look for some support here online since she is very against seeking any help herself at this point.

[Leorider]

Hello, My name is Larry, I am married to a person that I love deeply and care about very much. We have been married 10 years and it certainly has been a roller coaster of emotional good and bad. My wife and I have a good relationship as much as possible with her BPD, I know she loves me deeply and is thoughtful about my feelings and needs. She has lived a very conflicted and confrontational life prior to our meeting and marrying. She is very headstrong and hard to talk to about issues that involve or center on her. She also has had a very poor relationship with her two adult daughters and the oldest one just got married and did not invite her mother to the wedding. Many hurtful things were said between them and I have always told my wife that I hold hope of their relationship getting mended and better but this I fear has sent it totally in the destructive direction. We live in different states due to my job that I have to work another year and a half to retire from and she lives out near the state where she is from to help her since she couldn't live where I am due to her extreme dislike for the area and location. Life has been a challenge everyday and I do live on pins and needles with much worry and concern for her. I do try to be honest with her and direct her in a direction of seeing and facing things honestly and directly, sometimes it works and other times it doesn't. She is not employed outside of the home and has cats for pets. I try to support her anyway I can that I feel doesn't just support her negative, depressive feelings and emotions. I decided to look for some support here online since she is very against seeking any help herself at this point.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Tattered Heart]

Welcome to the board Larry. THis board is so great in letting you know that you aren't alone and that you aren't losing your mind. I would suggest that you start reading the lessons on the right side of the board. It's full on info on how you can begin making changes in your reactions to your spouse. Living with someone with BPD is tough and it's important that we take care of ourselves. After all, we are the only ones that we can change.