I love my wife and I would not want to leave her

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hi, I'm Rodrigo, I live in Chile. I'm 44 years old, I've been with my wife for 20 years, this week I've just discovered that there is a high probability that she will suffer from BPD. I feel very distressed, for many years I thought I was the problem or I did not understand this roller coaster of emotions and mood swings so abrupt, moving from love to hate in seconds. My expectation is to find in this group, experiences of relatives who have had relationships with loved ones with BPD and learn a little of their experiences to better face my life with my wife.

PD: sorry for my English.

Regards from Chile

Rodrigo

[chapalele]

Hi, I'm Rodrigo, I live in Chile. I'm 44 years old, I've been with my wife for 20 years, this week I've just discovered that there is a high probability that she will suffer from BPD. I feel very distressed, for many years I thought I was the problem or I did not understand this roller coaster of emotions and mood swings so abrupt, moving from love to hate in seconds. My expectation is to find in this group, experiences of relatives who have had relationships with loved ones with BPD and learn a little of their experiences to better face my life with my wife.

PD: sorry for my English.

Regards from Chile

Rodrigo

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[mmcnulty]

This is just my opinion, but unless she accepts the diagnosis, and gets medication and cognitive therapy, she will continue to upend your life.  If she accepts the diagnosis and treatment, then you can be much more supportive.  Right now, you're just walking on eggshells.

[drained1996]

Hi Rodrigo,

Welcome to the family.  We're sorry to hear of your difficult circumstances but we understand.  It can be very mentally, emotionally, and even physically draining to have a loved one with BPD traits in our lives.  There are things we can do to help improve our situations.  First we need to understand we cannot change them (that's up to them), but we can change how we react to and communicate with them.  Often our own reactions simply work to exacerbate difficult circumstances.  In the upper right hand margin of this page you will see some tools and lessons designed to guide you in doing exactly that. 
Something I found very helpful was getting a detailed understanding of the illness. 
Has your wife been diagnosed?  Is she in therapy?
Keep posting, I learned that the more I shared the more I got in return!