Thank you infjEPIC, i am also infj
Thanks for taking so much time answering my post. I appreciate your insight. It has been a really awful 2 years. I guess not awful enough or I would have walked away a long time ago. The first 6 months is what hooked me. But it quickly went we out of control and I've been trying since then to get out.
I understand completely.
But getting out is not something she will ever facilitate.
That decision can only come from one person, and that is you.
(p.s. INFJs seem to be most vulnerable to BPD abusers, there is definitely some sort of pattern)
She has been blackmailing me for a year about something that will cause great pain in my life... I'm mostly just afraid of that happening. It's a horrible prison to be in.
I had similar.
I had no idea why
back then - but I bared my soul to my BPDex. I chose to tell my BPDex about an episode of abuse in my childhood.
Something I'd never told anyone.
I had felt resolved about it, until she managed to open old wounds and make it an issue again.
After she had accused me of domestic violence, she came back to the house with her 2 Flying Monkeys.
She then did her utmost, to provoke me into assaulting her.
She said in the most spiteful manner - "I don't have to keep your secrets anymore"
I decided I would no longer let her have that power over me.
So I said it, right in front of her friends. "So you're threatening to expose the abuse in my childhood?"
Not only did it eliminate her source of power, it shocked her Flying Monkeys.
Not long after that, she descended in a mouth foaming rage, calling me a 'scumbag' among other things.
She was furious that she couldn't provoke a reaction from me.
I told her to remove her property from the house and leave, or I would call the Police.
And if it ever came back to me, that she had exposed my secret, I would be taking immediate legal action for defamation and/or extortion.
Today since I wouldn't speak to her she send my a picture of a bullet with "I love you" written on it. Seriously? WHO DOES THAT?
A disordered person who does not love you.
A disordered person who wants to manipulate you.
I would report it to the police as death threats.
If I block her from my phone she just makes her phone not show caller Id and it comes through. I use my phone for business so I can't shut it off. She will call 50 times in a row. You can't really block email, it goes to junk.
You need to change your number, not block her.
My ex used 12 different phones to ring me.
Let the email go to junk, or change email address.
Ignore the email. Never reply under any circumstances.
Choosing to read her emails, is akin to choosing to drink poison.
This is how she will continue to manipulate you. Never read them.
Ignoring her, will likely provoke more extreme behaviour, such as showing up at your house.
This is when you must call the police.
She would lose her career if I call the cops so I haven't.
I had partially guessed that.
Unfortunately, you're re-enforcing her behaviour.
Not only is there no consequence for her actions, she knows that with enough attempts, she will eventually be successful at reaching you.
I'm not criticising you - because I've been there. I understand what it's like.
But only you have the power to make it stop. She never will.
But I'm getting to the point where the consequences I will pay will be worth getting her away from me. So I will need a new phone number for starters.
In retrospect, I would look at it from another angle: The consequences you will pay - mentally, physically and emotionally - for not getting away from her - are likely to be more severe, than any alternative outcome.
