Sister Problems

[Glimmer]

I have had very little contact with a younger sister (50+ yo) since she ruined a family reunion several years ago. She reports to have been diagnosed with depression, PTSD, anxiety and obsessive. I suspect it is BPD. While I supported her emotionally for years I finally reached my limit. All the crying because she was the victim at every job and in every relationship. Her values changed based on her new friends.

Three years ago she left her second husband and moved to the same city as our mother in order to be with her new bf, number 4.

Since she has moved, I no longer feel welcomed by my mother and other family members when I visit them.
My mother started ending our phone conversations with a "you be nice", instead of "I love you".

My brother and his wife barely speak to me since my sister moved there. While I have never had an angry word with my brother, we had a very heated exchange several months ago when he accused my "abandoning my sister".

I suspect my sister has said a lot of cruel and untrue things about me.
How do you limit contact with someone who is mentally ill yet maintain other family relationships as well as your reputation?

[Naughty Nibbler]

Welcome Glimmer:
I'm so sorry about your family situation. It sounds like you have been painted black (split). That is a very uncomfortable situation to be in.

My mother started ending our phone conversations with a "you be nice", instead of "I love you".

That is a very invalidating thing for your mom to say. It does sound like your sister has launched a smear campaign on you. My sister has done something similar to me.

If she is living with your parents, or on her own? The only options you have are to visit family when you know your sister isn't there, or become confident with setting boundaries and using some communication tools. A good place to start learning is by going to the large green band at the top of  the page and check out some lesions in the "tools" area. You can't change your sister, but you can set boundaries and control the way you interact with her and react to her. You don't have the power to change her.

Check out some of the lessons and let us know what you think.