So if anybody has followed my story on here recently they would know that my ex gave me the silent treatment for about 5 weeks, and i'm feeling sorry for her thinking she's having a hard time bless her, but then i catfished her and found out she was painting me black. She never knew it was me and i won't reveal it, i just blocked her on everything and hopefully i won't hear from her again. I know NC is the best way forward and for me to heal properly and move on, but thats where i'm stuck a bit.
I keep getting random moments of intense anxiety whenever she comes into my mind, like i hope she's ok and does she ever think about me etc. And i seem to be dreaming over her loads and they are all sexually based. I really miss the intimacy, but not her. I guess with time i will be able to detach, but at the moment its still pretty raw and it hurts and i can't even seem to look at another girl and get excited at the moment which is worrying me. Like what if i have already peaked with her. I really want to be able to meet somebody again, but i'm scared i won't be able to forget about her. Has anybody else felt this or been through this?
Yea, absolutely.
What you are feeling is very, very normal.
All you need is time.
In terms of the sexual dreams, they're less frequent, but I still have them 9 months later.
Really, for such an emotional and traumatic time in one's life, I would think it would be normal to still be experiencing it to some extent after 18 months.
As to whether you have peaked - sexually, I cannot answer that.
I do suspect that, in time, once you have established a healthy emotional connection with someone, you will have a good sexual relationship.
Not necessarily 'better', just different.
But I'm not going to lie either - sexual hyperactivity usually includes a higher level of 'desire', than I experienced with females in non-disordered relationships.
It's an incredible turn on for a guy - to feel desired, to be sexually pursued, not to be the initiator all the time etc.
I'm in a healthy relationship - and I do miss that sensation. But I've made peace with it on some level also - I had that experience and it was exhilarating, I am grateful for that, but I could not endure what comes with it - and I no longer have to, I am grateful for that also.
So sexually - I don't have an answer yet. Ask me in another 9 months.
This was a major concern for me in the aftermath of the BPD breakup, and I was thinking that I should go out and have a lot of sexual experiences. The advice my counsellor gave me was to use my hand instead.
On reflection, I think that was really good advice.
But I had several sexual experiences in the aftermath before getting into a relationship again.
The first experience was purely to break the emotional connection with my ex. It helped. Had I not been cheated on, it would have mattered less to me.
The woman was very attractive, but I didn't really enjoy it. I had sex with her again another time and honestly, despite her attractiveness, I couldn't even finish... .sex without the emotional connection felt robotic. Repulsive even. She wasn't interested in me beyond sex and I'd never had sex outside of relationships before then, so I was a bit surprised. Not quite what I had expected.
The next few experiences felt quite good, because I liked the other woman. She was also very attractive, but I was able to establish some sort of emotional connection with her, despite her not wanting a relationship.
But peaked emotionally?, no, not even close, in fact you will most likely be much more appreciative of normal relationships in the future, than you otherwise would have been.
You are more likely to think long term, and less about instant gratification.
You are more likely to choose wiser - more consideration of personality and less emphasis on looks.
