BPD/narc Mother. Trying to cope/ move forward

[Our abuse recovery guide]

Young adult with a narcissistic/ borderline mother. Making plans to find my own place so that I can heal properly from ongoing emotional and sometimes physical abuse (majority emotional, physical when younger and smaller).I feel that distancing is my only option right now. I'm not having the best experience of life with all this conflict and abuse under my nose every single day. Have so much life in me which is going to waste because i'm emotionally exhausted all the time, or getting shouted at and just wanna shut off. I have a younger brother (early teens). I'm really scared to leave him... .That's my main thought right now, but will share about how I'm coping, type of abuse from mother, other family members, other idiosyncrasies within family unit. Need a safe space to share and get advice. V v lonely all this. Cheers.

[ukeyo]

Young adult with a narcissistic/ borderline mother. Making plans to find my own place so that I can heal properly from ongoing emotional and sometimes physical abuse (majority emotional, physical when younger and smaller).I feel that distancing is my only option right now. I'm not having the best experience of life with all this conflict and abuse under my nose every single day. Have so much life in me which is going to waste because i'm emotionally exhausted all the time, or getting shouted at and just wanna shut off. I have a younger brother (early teens). I'm really scared to leave him... .That's my main thought right now, but will share about how I'm coping, type of abuse from mother, other family members, other idiosyncrasies within family unit. Need a safe space to share and get advice. V v lonely all this. Cheers.

[Naughty Nibbler]

Welcome Ukeyo:
I'm sorry about your mom. Sounds like a good idea for you to get your own place. What's going in regard to your fear for your brother?  :)o you fear that your mother will double up on her abuse with him?  Is your mom currently physically abusive with him? Is your dad in the picture?

There are links to helpful information to the right of this post. It's a good place to start. You can't change your mother, but you can change the way you interact with her and reach to her, and that can make things better for you.

I'm looking forward to hearing more about your story, when you are ready to share. Moving out and getting your own place to live should be an exciting experience, in a good way.

This is a safe place to share, with lots of caring and helpful people. Take care

[Fie]

Hello !  

I want to welcome you here. Everyone here will listen to you without judgement.
A lot of members here have parents who are BPD. My mum f.e. has it, and my grandmother too.

You are making a big transition, finding your own space to live. That on its own is quite stressful, even without fear for your brother's well-being. Do not forget to celebrate this event, too. Do you have one or more friends who can help you do this ?

In my experience, posting on this website helps a lot. It can also be a good idea to have a therapist. Would you consider that ? A lot of members find it very helpful.
Does your brother still go to school ? Do you think there is a school counselor who can offer him a listening ear ?

Please keep posting. It will not only help you, us members will also benefit hearing your stories / experiences.

Hope to hear you soon !
x

[cmm]

Hi ukeyo, just sending you encouragement and reassurance that everything will turn out ok.  You are making the right decision to protect yourself now, it's time to do what's best for you.  Listen to your instincts, always.  That is my #1 piece of advice.  Get quiet and just listen to that little whisper inside you telling you what to do.  It is always right.  IF you aren't feeling right and being abused, then you are most certainly not being treated right.  There is no second guessing your feelings with an NPD mother -- EVER!  Take care of yourself first, then worry about protecting your brother (the airplane mask rule).

Also, please always remember:

"What someone does to you says more about them than it does about you."

Hugs