So I guess the ring stories aren't all that rare... .
Rings... .About three months before our separation my ex started locking herself in son's bedroom and sleeping with him. A little over a month later I noticed she wasn't wearing her engagement or wedding rings, another ring was on her finger. About that time she invited a friend over to stay the night and her guest got son's room. That night son slept in the bed with me and she slept on his old 5 foot crib mattress on the floor. Anyway, at one point I motioned to the guest to look at her finger. It might have been a day or two later she told me she lost her rings (did guest tell her?), she took them off and probably vacuumed them. Hmm, she never searched? When I changed out the bag, I put it in the garage. It sat there for days, maybe a week or longer. One sunny day while she was gone, I sat out on the sidewalk and tore the bag open. She came home while I was digging around. No rings. Within a day or two she exclaimed she found them in another room, son must have walked off with them.
I never quite believed that.
I recall too the two times before we separated when I called CPS to report her ranting and raging and my concern for my preschooler. The lady asked, "Is she raging at him?" I replied, "No, but he's right there, cringing and trying to hide." She replied, "Call back when she's raging at him." I believe it was the second call where another lady said divorce was the option, her own mother had to divorce. My conclusion was that some courts and agencies don't necessarily see conflict in itself as
actionable, in my area it was whether it was directed at the children.
She wants primary parenting responsibility. So what? Don't you want primary parenting responsibility too? Duh! It's okay not to give in to demands, pressuring and guilting. In such an impasse you will likely need a Custody Evaluator to report to the court his or her experienced and perceptive conclusions and recommendations from the psych tests and in depth sessions. Just make sure you get a very experienced, very perceptive and very recommended evaluator, one who has a reputation for making sound and unbiased reports.
Sadly, fathers often have an uphill struggle (reference: Sisyphus) to get a halfway decent order from court. So while you of course should not be aggressive, you also can't be passive or accommodating or "too fair" when in those scenarios. Your stance ought to be focused on what is best for yourself and your children. Operative phrases are assertive, using time tested strategies, smart like a fox, avoiding the sabotaging FOG*, etc.
FOG = Fear, Obligation, Guilt
