Hi all,
It made me... .anxious. Tons of flooding mixed emotions that haven't left my brain since I saw those notifications yesterday. I had my mind made up that three break ups means we will never work out. Even besides the reasons we broke up in the first place, the trust is gone and I will never be completely sure he won't leave me out of nowhere. But there's always that stupid part of me that believes he will change and things will be better. And now a small part of me is hoping again that he's going to try to reach me even though the rational side of me it saying NO! with big flashing warning signs. I'm just... .so anxious now. Losing my resolve.
Any support appreciated.
It's not stupid. That's a very natural desire/hope.
Don't beat yourself up please.
Based on what you describe - you already understand that it cannot work out.
For some of us tho - we can't accept that, until it becomes very nasty and dangerous.
That usually means we go through several recycling attempts until the BPD escalates to that point.
I hope the rational side wins and you don't go through that.
It's very scary and unnecessary - take my word for it.
One of the hard things to accept is that you cannot separate the nasty behaviour from the good behaviour.
They're both him.
Now when you are so lonely and so low - you project onto him - what you wish could be... .what you're hoping could be.
"Maybe he has changed or could change"
But recognise, that this is
you projecting
your desire... .He is both the good and the nasty. They're both him. If you could not endure the nasty behaviour before... .unfortunately, it only tends to escalate.
I think it's important to keep identifying that the good times MAY seem like something you'll never get again, but in reality you will surpass this
