More and more angry?

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

So not sure who else might have dealt with this, but the further we get into our divorce and the more I detatch the more angry she gets... .is this common?

[NewStart]

So not sure who else might have dealt with this, but the further we get into our divorce and the more I detatch the more angry she gets... .is this common?

[schwing]

hi NewStart,

My observation is that for people with BPD (pwBPD), separation and divorce can be perceived as abandonment.  And they will act in response to this perceived abandonment: including getting angry/upset at you each time you remind them of the separation/divorce.

In order to avoid this perceived abandonment, they might insist that they are separating from/divorcing you -- that is, they need to believe they are leaving you and not you are leaving them.  Some pwBPD might even become attached to another partner before the divorce is finalized to avoid this perceived abandonment.

However, until they are ready to leave you some pwBPD might drag out the divorce for as long as possible.

Best wishes,

Schwing

[Lucky Jim]

Hey NewStart, Have you separated from her?  If so, I would suggest that you are no longer around to bear the brunt of her rages, which causes her anger to build.  In other words, her anger lacks the normal release valve (you) so the pressure increases.

LuckyJim