43 year old male child with BPD, I'm living on the edge

[ShelleyBelle]

New to the forum. Dealing with an adult child with BPD after 12 years of wrong diagnosis.

I'm broken and exhausted. I need resources and conversations will be sparatic as my time for myself is nonexistent.

ShelleyBelle

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Sancho]

Hi ShelleyBelle and welcome . .
12 years thinking you were dealing with one thing only to find that is not the case! Wow! That would be really devastating.

It sounds like you have constant demands on every aspect of your life - and this is something those who come here understand. Journeying with a BPD loved one can be demanding physically, emotionally, psychologically and socially. It is a condition that can cause chaos in the lives of the person involved and those around them.

When I first came here DD was a teenager and it was chaos. As I read the posts I could feel my eyes widening as I recognised that other people were going through the same thing! These people understood!

However I wanted to read something that said 'do this and all will be well'. I found it hard to understand the concepts of boundaries etc - I just wanted to 'fix it'!

But I kept reading and I my eyes widened again when I realised all the things that these people had tried - how much they were committed and how much they had given to their child, to the point where they were where you are now - exhausted in every way.

I have learnt here that 'boundaries' are what I need to value my own life, and I have learnt to 'let go' - I can't do it for someone else.

I hope that this is the first step for you in finding some small, regular time for you. Don't aim for big change -just a tiny step. Without knowing the details of your situation it is hard to make specific suggestions. One thing I used to do when I was consumed with anxiety for my DD was tell myself I was going to think about DD at 3pm for one hour. It sounds silly now but it worked because every time I started to wonder where she was etc I would tell myself 'I will give this my whole attention at 3pm!

By the time 3 pm came I felt as though I had had a mental break!

Perhaps the next step for you could be a regular 5 minute timetabled spot to come here and read our posts.

The first difference I am sure will be that you won't feel so alone on your difficult journey.