She lives with me. She has no children. She wants help. She stays on her meds with reminders from me. She is in therapy. Here's the kicker: Every morning, when she wakes up, she wishes she had not done so. She does not, however, want to kill herself. She just "doesn't want to be here anymore." However, she feels like she cannot tell that to her therapist, because she fears hospitalization. "I want help. I need help, but I want to stay here. I don't want to be 'locked up'."
So, the therapist is not getting the full picture.
I haven't mustered the courage to tell my therapist everything yet, either. I can relate to that hurdle. And I think both you and I can at some level understand her fear of "being taken away and locked up" if she "says too much". If I thought that something I said would lead my T to initiate an involuntary hold, I'd be pretty freaked out, too, and reticent to share.
It is promising, though, that she is disclosing those fears to you. How do you typically respond?
Are there any "home visit crisis teams" in your area? Wondering if there are some in-between resources, where they are more than just therapy but won't cart her away to a hospital.
How often does she go to therapy? And does she ever call a crisis hotline/suicide hotline?
Her boyfriend left her a couple of months ago. It had gotten to the point that he couldn't get through an hour with her without triggering her somehow. That's been really rough. She is a lot better, but still drowning in sadness.
Ouch... that's hard for all of you.
I'm learning a lot in the
NEABPD Family Connections class I'm currently taking. One way they described BPD is that there are three main factors feeding in:
-increased emotional sensitivity
-increased emotional reactivity
-extended time to return to baseline emotions
Anyone can have any of those factors (I'm sensitive and have a slow return to baseline, but am not very reactive), but a pwBPD will likely have all three.
In terms of sensitivity, a pwBPD might experience something as an 11/10, but someone without BPD would experience the same thing as maybe a 3/10. If you have no "emotional skin" then a "light touch" is excruciating.
In terms of reactivity, something that sets off a pwBPD can be brushed off by a non-BPD.
In terms of baseline, while someone without BPD might be able to recover from a conflict or argument in an hour or so, someone with BPD might take days or longer to come back.
Again, it's really promising that she seems less sad. That's pretty incredible that she is doing better after a few months. Breakups are hard on anyone, so the fact that she is making a little progress is a good thing. I do see a connection between how you describe her and those factors -- maybe someone else could've processed the breakup in a few weeks, but she is taking a long time to return to baseline, and may have taken the breakup in a much more sensitive way than someone else.
...
Can I ask, how old is she?
Does she have a job outside the home, or does she volunteer, take college classes, do any gym/sports?
And does she typically seem to see you as an ally?