How do you get through something like this
by grieving it, with the support of people that have been there, too.
your grief is compounded here. you put your heart on the line when you reached out, and she threw it back at you. there is no easy way to live through that. it hurts.
secretly hoping if I got better things could be ok again.
I don't know what to do now.
its a double whammy because you had a lot of hope and investment in reconciliation. youve had your hope stepped on, and it feels like all that self improvement was for nought.
it isnt, of course. but i get that it can feel that way. i spent three months or so "doing what i needed to do", with that same hope. when that hope died, things changed. i started to really, truly grieve the relationship for the first time. it was devastating when it happened, but looking back, it was actually the marker of when things actually began to get better.
do that. mourn your loss.
your growth, and the steps youve taken, arent wasted. what may have been motivated you may not be available anymore, and that hurts. slowly but surely (after a bad breakup, and one that cuts at our self esteem, it doesnt come naturally) you let yourself motivate you. you let new relationships (of all kinds) motivate you.
as for the hurtful things she said? spend time around the people that love you. its good to regain a sense that, in spite of what an ex says, "hey, im all right".
