>is it normal for someone with bpd to seem content and distant after a breakup?

[Pook075]

given the emotional progress and the renewed connection we’re slowly forming, should i wait a bit longer to send the message and let things unfold more naturally? or would it be better to express myself now while things feel warm and open? and if possible, am i able to drop the message here for any feedback?

Last question first- feel free to drop the message in the chat and we can discuss it.  That's always encouraged here.

In terms of timing, it's so impossible to say since things are good between the two of you right now and you're growing closer.  If you do send the message, what do you hope to achieve?  And how would you feel if he didn't respond favorably?

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[ningrinas]

hi pook,

i think what i’m hoping to achieve is some reassurance and closure. he told me before on a few occasions that i could come to him if i was overthinking or needed reassurance and that he wouldn’t be bothered by it, so i’ve been holding onto that. it’s not that i’m expecting a specific answer, i just want to understand where i stand in his life now and how he feels

if he doesn’t respond favorably, i know i’ll have to accept that. i’d still be happy staying friends with him, even though i’d miss the feeling of being important in his life. i care deeply for him and just want to be honest about where i’m at, while also respecting where he’s at as well, because it feels like we're stuck in this strange limbo


heres the message i wanted to send to him also:

"hai, i’ve been sitting with something for a while and wanted to share it when it felt right. things between us have felt really soft and warm lately, and i appreciate that a lot. i’ve really missed talking with you and playing games together! it means a lot to me to have that connection again.

at the same time, i’ve been carrying some feelings that i think i need to express for my own clarity. i still care about you deeply, and that hasn’t changed. i know things have been confusing and we’ve both had a lot going on, but i’ve been wondering where we stand now. not because i need a full answer or want to put pressure on you but i just want to understand where your heart’s at, since mine still feels connected to you.

if you’re unsure, that’s totally okay. i just wanted to open up the space in case you’ve been feeling anything too. i’m not trying to rush anything, just hoping to have a gentle, honest moment with you if you’re open to it. this might not seem super logical, but it’s how things genuinely feel on my end, and the uncertainty’s been sitting heavy with me.

i’m not expecting everything to be figured out now, but back when we were together, you said it was okay to ask for reassurance if we ever broke up or if i was overthinking things. so this is me doing that, not to push you away, but to just to take care of myself a little better.

i really do care about you and i still miss you. i’ve been trying to approach all this with care and understanding, knowing how much you’ve been carrying lately. i don’t want to make things harder or uncomfortable for you, but i also want to be honest with myself and with you. if trying again ever felt possible, i’d be open to it but if you’re unsure or feel differently, i’d still really appreciate clarity, even if it’s not easy.