Testing for BPD and encouraging BPD person to seek DBT

[awakened23]

I am in a long marriage with an undiagnosed BPDw. I am sure she has never heard about BPD, as I have never heard her mention the term and I have never seen it in her SM feeds (she is a heavy SM addict). She often brings up the terms narcissism and ADHD and has said in the past, that she thinks she has ADHD.
All I have read and understood is that I cannot be the one to suggest she get tested BPD as it would backfire in our relationship.

Any ideas on how one could initiate the BPD testing/diagnosis/ therapy with one's spouse?  Should it be suggested by her therapist or someone known to her?

She has had a 4-5 therapy sessions in the past but the therapist mostly validated her feelings and did not provide any growth/introspection. She stopped T sessions after that and thinks it is a waste.

I think an organic self-discovery of BPD and understanding of her own emotions may be beneficial for my BPDw. At least it may open the possibility that I can encourage her toward DBT and a slim chance she will get treatment if she believes it will benefit her.

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[Jabiru]

Hello You're probably right that forcing her would be met with resistance. Instead of trying to change her, you could say you learned about BPD as a concept and see what she thinks about it. It's up to her to decide if she wants to pursue it.

Flipping it back to you: Now that you've known about it, what changes have you made on your side? Any boundaries to protect yourself from unwanted behavior?