Happy Vday

[Depression = 72% of members]

So, in trying to send flowers to my possibly BPD girlfriend we get into a fight! I am in California and was trying to surprise her in Indiana. She is staying with her parents while at this clinical site for school and I didn't have the address. So I began dropping hints and being playful. For instance, she was on her way home and I would say "on your way home, back to the parents house". She laughed, "yep" she said. I said " I love that development they live in, whats the name of their street again"? She tells me name of street. I told her I was on zillow (a real estate app) and I asked her the house number and told her I wanted to look at some of the properties around there because its such a beautiful area. She says she will not give me the house number because the only reason I would be on zillow is if I was trying to see what her parents paid for their home. She continues to say that her parents would never tell me how much they paid for their home and if I were ever to ask them they would consider me extremely rude. She says she is protecting them. Seriously, can't make this stuff up. Is paranoia also a part of BPD? So strange sometimes... .

[md83]

So, in trying to send flowers to my possibly BPD girlfriend we get into a fight! I am in California and was trying to surprise her in Indiana. She is staying with her parents while at this clinical site for school and I didn't have the address. So I began dropping hints and being playful. For instance, she was on her way home and I would say "on your way home, back to the parents house". She laughed, "yep" she said. I said " I love that development they live in, whats the name of their street again"? She tells me name of street. I told her I was on zillow (a real estate app) and I asked her the house number and told her I wanted to look at some of the properties around there because its such a beautiful area. She says she will not give me the house number because the only reason I would be on zillow is if I was trying to see what her parents paid for their home. She continues to say that her parents would never tell me how much they paid for their home and if I were ever to ask them they would consider me extremely rude. She says she is protecting them. Seriously, can't make this stuff up. Is paranoia also a part of BPD? So strange sometimes... .

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[Tattered Heart]

Paranoia can be a side effect of BPD. Not that you did anything wrong, but if someone asked me my address to look up on zillow I might get a little worried too. It sounds like this was a misunderstanding. She may have picked up on something that made her think there was more to your intent than just looking up the house (Which there was an alternative intent, sending her flowers). People with BPD tend to pick up on the minor discrepancies in wording and voice.

How would it have gone if you had just told her you wanted to surprise her and asked for her address? Or told her you wanted to send her a letter and got the address that way?

[isilme]

They have a hard time following your feelings and your internet, and yes, paranoia does seem to be a constant guest in the BPD life.I've been told many times by H that I'm only doing something for some reason that is horrible and never even occurred to me, and I'm upset that it DID occur to him. 

She probably DID figure that you were not being 100% honest with her on the phone, but it never occurred to her that you were trying to plan a happy surprise, and not trying to do something nefarious. 

I'll second the idea that Zillow, having pretty much one function of finding and selling homes, may not have been the best tool to mention.  It may have almost been safer to ask for the parents' land line number in case you need to call her and there's a cell phone issue, and then call them, explain what you're doing, and get the house number.