Anxiety and doubt after it all

[Me88]

Have any of you felt 'off' for quite some time after everything ended? I feel like I'm always on edge, not angry, just anxious. Regular things seem to carry more weight and pressure. I used to be a multitasking king and so productive. Now I just feel 'ok' with things. I second guess myself a lot. It never feels like things are going to work out. I still get everything done and probably more than most people, but I just feel weird. Almost like I'm always looking over my shoulder for something that isn't there. Or as if I'm outside of myself watching my life from a spectators view. My brain doesn't stop.

[TelHill]

I feel like this. It’s Complex PTSD from being in a relationship with a disordered person.

There are ways to work through these feelings. It takes effort and motivation.

[Gemsforeyes]

Hi -
I hope it’s okay to bring this post forward?  I read some your post today (12/23/25) about not being ready to date yet and read back a bit to get a feel for your history, and felt the need to maybe address this one from 9/2025.

I felt this, and still feel it… these days for different reasons; and I believe there are good explanations.

When you are deeply involved in a disordered relationship, whether romantic, family or even work-related, I believe we come to live in a state of anticipation, “on edge” as you say. 

I spent nearly 26 years in disordered relationships (2), and have since been trying to figure out the WHY of me?  WHY did I say “yes” to it all… and live in this delusion of forgive and forget… and look both ways before there is any street to cross, the dreaded anticipation that there WILL be a street, or a speeding car.  What is here that could cause a rage? And I’ve done it pretty silently.

And @TelHill is correct, CPTSD may also apply.  I too was diagnosed with that and continue to work on calming those symptoms.  The healing takes time because you have to learn to trust yourself.  And to know you ARE and always WERE good and kind and more than enough.

I hope some of this helps.  There is that saying…  “life is lived forward, understood backward”.

I don’t know.  Maybe writing this is for me more than you.  That wasn’t my intention, I’m sorry.  Today isn’t a good day.

Warmly,
Gems

[Pook075]

Have any of you felt 'off' for quite some time after everything ended? I feel like I'm always on edge, not angry, just anxious. Regular things seem to carry more weight and pressure. I used to be a multitasking king and so productive. Now I just feel 'ok' with things. I second guess myself a lot. It never feels like things are going to work out. I still get everything done and probably more than most people, but I just feel weird. Almost like I'm always looking over my shoulder for something that isn't there. Or as if I'm outside of myself watching my life from a spectators view. My brain doesn't stop.

I still do at times and it frustrates the heck out of me...I actually get mad at myself for getting too focused on the past and things that are completely outside my control.

[cynp]

What is here that could cause a rage? And I’ve done it pretty silently.

This hit hard. Its a bit like babyproofing isn't it. You look all round the room and see where the baby could get hurt or into tounble. Only now I do it for pwBPD. what could cause a rage here? the amt of time ive spent mentaly debating over the tiniest, most pointless things would be unbelievable to anyone who has not had a loved one with Bpd. 

[Me88]

This hit hard. Its a bit like babyproofing isn't it. You look all round the room and see where the baby could get hurt or into tounble. Only now I do it for pwBPD. what could cause a rage here? the amt of time ive spent mentaly debating over the tiniest, most pointless things would be unbelievable to anyone who has not had a loved one with Bpd. 

it's like babyproofing for a child with the skills/abilities of a smart adult. My ex was intelligent and outwardly seemed quite put together in public. Everything causes a rage, everything. What was adored and loved yesterday is now a reason to scream today. I never understood it at all. My favorite thing to tell people is 'unless you've lived through it, you have no idea how bad it is and how it actually changes you'.