PeaceHarmony
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 11
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« on: June 11, 2017, 04:22:55 PM » |
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This afternoon, driving to the car shop to pick up our other car BPDhub decided we needed to talk... ."let's go for a drive"... .I should have known better and said no but my optimism won since he started DBT and has been saying all the right things... . Our "conversation" quickly escalated to a full blown fight with him telling me that I don't respect him, yelling at me, accusing me of being the one with problems a it's not only him who's messed up, calling me a hard ass, (should take it as a compliment, !), gas lighting, telling me what I am thinking and then lying about what I said, accusing me of being the one with anger problem who takes it out on him, and finally telling me that just like my mom I will eventually leave him like she left my dad... .(Totally not what happened between my parents, BTW, although they did separate for a few months it was a mutual decision and my dad did the moving out, however they got back together and ended their life as the greatest love story on earth!)
Now, from a logical point of view, I know that all that has nothing to do with me and it's all him, all his irrational fears and thoughts and his inability to have an actual productive conversation (i.e regulate his emotions).
But I am so fed up with it! Fed up with the yelling, the rage, the swearing, the lying, the twisting of what was said and done, the gas lighting and the accusations! I am fed up with the roller coaster of Jackyl and Hyde.
How much longer can I take it? How can I manage my own wellbeing when he is being so abusive? We have been married for 20 years, have teen kids and I am just losing hope that he will ever change. He says he knows his behavior "doesn't work" but then he goes on to blame it all on me and says I am the one who is messed up - how am I expected to just say "oh well, he doesn't really mean it" or "don't pay attention to it"? I need perspective and a sense of hope because right now I just want to pack up and leave, which I can't really do with the kids and our financial situation. I also promised him to stick around while he does DBT as I know it's a process and doesn't get better over night.
Oh, and we are supposed to go on vacation to another city for 5 days in two weeks! How can I possibly do this and stay sane?
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