She blocked me on messenger after a year of not speaking?

[Indifferent28]

Yeah so haven't posted in a while. I've heard my ex got diagnosed as bipolar though I still think she's borderline or at least has a lot of the traits.

I've been doing good about not asking about her, or viewing her things. I've made progress. I still however, miss her every day and im still insanely depressed over her... .

Anyway, last week I checked her Facebook profile super fast. It's private so I can't see much anyway. Everything looked the same so I got off it after maybe ten seconds. Drank a little last night and went to her profile and the message button is greyed out on her profile. My friend who isn't her friend on Facebook,  it gave him the option to message her. After some research, this means she blocked me on messenger.

Questions... .And opinions.
Why the hell would she block me on messenger after a year of not speaking and two years of being broken up?  
A few days ago,  I set my status on messenger to active. So maybe it showed up as me being online in her messenger. Even if we aren't friends anymore, if she had any old convo between us or had me in her phone contacts, I'd appear as online in her messenger. Maybe she didn't like my face showing up and pulled up my messenger box and blocked me... .

But she's been knowing I've had messenger since we broke up. So why would she block me there now?

Also why not just block me entirely on Facebook including my ability to see her profile?

This really threw me for a loop.
Even though it did hurt I'm more confused. Why would she feel the need to block me when I have not reached out at all in a year?  ... .
It makes no sense to me.

Thoughts?

[roberto516]

Yeah so haven't posted in a while. I've heard my ex got diagnosed as bipolar though I still think she's borderline or at least has a lot of the traits.

I've been doing good about not asking about her, or viewing her things. I've made progress. I still however, miss her every day and im still insanely depressed over her... .

Anyway, last week I checked her Facebook profile super fast. It's private so I can't see much anyway. Everything looked the same so I got off it after maybe ten seconds. Drank a little last night and went to her profile and the message button is greyed out on her profile. My friend who isn't her friend on Facebook,  it gave him the option to message her. After some research, this means she blocked me on messenger.

Questions... .And opinions.
Why the hell would she block me on messenger after a year of not speaking and two years of being broken up? 
A few days ago,  I set my status on messenger to active. So maybe it showed up as me being online in her messenger. Even if we aren't friends anymore, if she had any old convo between us or had me in her phone contacts, I'd appear as online in her messenger. Maybe she didn't like my face showing up and pulled up my messenger box and blocked me... .

But she's been knowing I've had messenger since we broke up. So why would she block me there now?

Also why not just block me entirely on Facebook including my ability to see her profile?

This really threw me for a loop.
Even though it did hurt I'm more confused. Why would she feel the need to block me when I have not reached out at all in a year?  ... .
It makes no sense to me.

Thoughts?

First, I'm sorry. Are you seeing a therapist by any chance? I know these things take time and everyone's recovery is different.

Second, people with this disorder can't handle emotions. So if she has blocked you out of her memory the fact that she might have seen your face on messenger might have brought up all those feelings had she allowed herself to feel them. That's just my thought. I would take solace in the fact that, even if it's bad, she definitely isn't over you. And she probably had to exercise control again.  Keep your head up!

[marti644]

Hi indifferent,

Sorry to hear your feeling confused here. I suggest you go full NC, delete her off facebook and other social media. That way you will not be tempted to peek at her stuff and react to whatever she is doing. Who knows how many times she has blocked/unblocked you, she may be trying to get a reaction. Out of sight out of mind my friend. Someone with BPD will never go away regardless of how long its has been since your relationship ended unless you set strong boundaries. I had an ex-girlfriend with BPD traits (just starting to realize these traits now) that came out of the woodworks after 10 years of silence this week. She is married has three kids and she sends me a flirty facebook message. Sick. I merely ignored the message for a few days and responded in a very neutral manner, she responded with a much more muted response. Protect yourself and stay away from these people. All they do is hurt those around them unless they get help.

[Indifferent28]

roberto516, thank you for your reply.
I am not seeing a therapist and unfortunately I don't have the extra money to anytime soon. Ive thought about it but theyre very expensive in my area and in general. I'm not sure we have many in this area who specialize in counseling dealing with bipolar or borderlines either.

and I really wish I agreed with what you said on the second part... .it sounds very stupid, but id like for that to be the case to be honest; that she wasn't over me. But that doesn't seem to be the case because I would think that even if she has a lot of emotions, she would have reached out to me by now. She is totally still into the new replacement which I don't call a replacement anymore. Its her girlfriend. They've been together more than a year now and since she has been on medication for being bipolar, they seem to be doing great from what I hear from mutual acquaintances... .it seems like she just doesn't even care I existed or that we spent so many years of our lives together. Shes just not cared since we broke up which is the opposite behavior she had the entire time we dated. Unlike other BPDs here, my ex was always very caring, very sweet, very loving in our relationship. She just felt her emotions in too high of a range for me to balance. But after the break up, she really changed and just seems uncaring now.

I wish what you said was true but I don't think that's the case. I guess anything is possible but it would be hard for me to believe that just because of her lack of anything for me since the break up. why do you think she would only block me on messenger instead of just my entire profile, even if blocking emotions was the case? because even if what you are saying is true, wouldn't she not want to risk seeing my face on mutual friends comments or friends list or anything<?

[Indifferent28]

marti644, we are in full no contact. we haven't spoke in a year and I haven't seen her in a year either. We don't have each other on any social media and all her profiles she does have of social media are private.

Ill just occasionally view her facebook and see if she changed her profile photo or something every once in a while, but I cant see much of anything on her profile anyway since its private. The messenger button thing was just something that happened very recently, like in the last few days.

I'm sorry to hear that your ex girlfriend popped out like that and disrespected your boundaries as well as her own. My ex has not flirted or even mentioned missing me since she dumped me years ago. Her case seems to be much different than other BPDs on here. Like she was only recently diagnosed as bipolar, not BPD. but that could simply be a misdiagnosis... .I just know she didn't have the abusive behavior while we dated that many people here had. she was sweet and loving; the most loving person id ever met. her emotions were just all over the place. When we broke up, that's when she began exhibiting a lot of the behavior I read about here, but not nearly as bad. Mainly just not giving two craps about our past or anything with me, like she could just move on without a care.

I don't see her ever messaging me again, especially since she seems prone to me never reaching out to her. She had never blocked me before on any social site, I know that for sure. Even when I was sending desperate texts to her after we broke up, she never blocked me. That's why it is so strange that she would now on messenger when we have gone this long without a word.

[marti644]

Indifferent, NC is not full unless you literally do not know or see anything about her. By viewing her profile picture you are breaking the NC rules. While this is your choice, I have done the same thing many times in the past, ask yourself if you would be feeling like this if you hadn't looked? If this bothers you as much as it seems to in this post I suggest making it impossible to see anything about her so you can properly move on.

[roberto516]

roberto516, thank you for your reply.
I am not seeing a therapist and unfortunately I don't have the extra money to anytime soon. Ive thought about it but theyre very expensive in my area and in general. I'm not sure we have many in this area who specialize in counseling dealing with bipolar or borderlines either.

and I really wish I agreed with what you said on the second part... .it sounds very stupid, but id like for that to be the honest; that she wasn't over me. But that doesn't seem to be the case because I would think that even if she has a lot of emotions, she would have reached out to me by now. She is totally still into the new replacement which I don't call a replacement anymore. Its her girlfriend. They've been together more than a year now and since she has been on medication for being bipolar, they seem to be doing great from what I hear from mutual acquaintances... .it seems like she just doesn't even care I existed or that we spent so many years of our lives together. Shes just not cared since we broke up which is the opposite behavior she had the entire time we dated. Unlike other BPDs here, my ex was always very caring, very sweet, very loving in our relationship. She just felt her emotions in too high of a range for me to balance. But after the break up, she really changed and just seems uncaring now.

I wish what you said was true but I don't think that's the case. I guess anything is possible but it would be hard for me to believe that just because of her lack of anything for me since the break up. why do you think she would only block me on messenger instead of just my entire profile, even if blocking emotions was the case? because even if what you are saying is true, wouldn't she not want to risk seeing my face on mutual friends comments or friends list or anything<?

The previous quote could be right then that she is looking for a reaction out of you then. But to address the other things you said. For all you know they might not be doing great. My family loved my ex and said she was the best girlfriend I ever had. they didn't know what was going on behind closed doors. This could be the same situation. People rarely put the bad times on facebook or social media.

And my ex was caring at times. But I feared to look at the truth. She had broken my boundaries with guilt trips, and there was more than one time when I said "I feel like a dog who is being yelled at for peeing in the house." I don't know for sure. But when I look at it objectively I see how self-centered my ex was. And how she treated me different than everyone else, in a bad way. You're situation is unique for sure. But I felt the same way at times. I had to get out of the fog to see it clearly. Again, not saying you are wrong or anything. I don't know. But maybe a thought

[Indifferent28]

I don't know, I mean its possible. but how could I even give her the reaction if I'm blocked ? i told the other user above this convo that she had never previously blocked me which i was surprised from. Even when shed ignore texts years ago after the break up, shed still not block me. And now we don't talk at all and she chooses to block me... .tf?

youre right that social media and stuff is deceiving but i used to be able to tell even on social media when theyd do bad, just by the types of posts theyd put up. i never see anything bad anymore though since shes been on medication. it used to seem that my ex was the one more into the relationship but since my ex is on meds, the girlfriend seems to be just as much into the relationship now.

do you consider your ex to be abusive or what? i know i myself, looking back, felt abusive. id raise my voice and get so annoyed at her because shed need to be treated like a baby constantly. i think it was her rough child hood and lack of being cared for but i could never focus on fixing my problems to be healthy enough to help hers because when i would, shed make me out to be an ass. that's when i emotionally shut down, became numb and basically became a butt to her because she'd do sort of what you just said your ex did... .guilt trip me. make me feel like i wasn't showing her love or the time she needed, etc. that's where our relationship went sour

[roberto516]

do you consider your ex to be abusive or what? i know i myself, looking back, felt abusive. id raise my voice and get so annoyed at her because shed need to be treated like a baby constantly. i think it was her rough child hood and lack of being cared for but i could never focus on fixing my problems to be healthy enough to help hers because when i would, shed make me out to be an ass. that's when i emotionally shut down, became numb and basically became a butt to her because she'd do sort of what you just said your ex did... .guilt trip me. make me feel like i wasn't showing her love or the time she needed, etc. that's where our relationship went sour

I also felt like I was abusive. Especially at the end. She had me thinking I was trying to manipulate her into getting her back, and I thought "What? Maybe I am trying to manipulate her?" All I was doing was asking her why'd she give up on us without trying first, etc. And I agree wholeheartedly. She had a bad childhood, and I should have known better that yelling was not going to help.

HOWEVER. Everything has to be taken in context. For me, I eventually became angry because everytime I tried to talk about our difficulties she would say ":)o you want to break up?" It became so frustrating that I had to constantly reassure her of this. So eventually I must have gotten angry because all I wanted to do was talk. But it was her manipulation. She wasn't aware of it. But if all I have to do is focus on reassuring her we aren't breaking up then it keeps her safe from having to focus on possible things she might have to do to work on the relationship. In summary, I bring a concern. she has a choice to hear it or deflect. She would deflect. And then all would be well for her. But I'd now have a resentment building.

Man it's such a mind warp. You can drive yourself crazy. I did for the past 5 weeks. And she isn't aware she was doing all this. Not consciously. But it puts you in a corner. It's a self fulfilling prophecy for them. They fear everyone will leave not realizing that they are doing things to make sure it actually happens. And when the guy leaves? Now they are the victim. So it makes everything full circle. I know she's telling everyone now "Well we just didn't work out, and I have changed." It's not the reality but if she believes it then it's real enough for her.

I see myself in you alot. And I know sooner than later I'm going to be tempted to reach out or to see what she is up to (she has me blocked though on facebook which is good). You are not crazy. And I'm not saying you are. But therapy does help. Many therapist work "per diem" which means they will see you no matter how little you can pay. I don't know your area so I can't assume. But ethically, a therapist should not turn someone away if they can't pay the full fee. It could really help you. I know I need to get out of the loop and FOG. And it's helping. It's helping me take control back and learn again that I have the keys to my happiness. And external stuff I will never control. No matter how painful! Keep it up. If you ever need to talk you can PM me. Help me help you brother!

Also, it's easy to wonder that "had we known" sooner could we have made it work? I have read far too many things here from people who had the knowledge while still in the relationship, and they couldn't make it work. I think the simple truth is that eventually we would need some support. And if our partner can't do it then we are left to question ":)o I want to be with someone that can't support me in times of need like I can for them?" If you say yes then you might be able to make it work. But when my grandpop, who was my best friend died, and she came home from work and brought me chinese food and said "I'll just sit with you while you play video games." and an hour later she was in the bedroom asleep I realized the truth. For 14 months I picked her up and carried her. The one time I was mentally depressed and grieving she left because we "weren't working out." All their self worth is in how you view them and act. So she got depressed because her identity was depressed me. It's sad really. But don't worry too much. It can't ever work out.

[In a bad way]

Mine probably thinks she has blocked me but I'm just unfriended.
What's weird though is she keeps popping up o messenger as active, BUT not on the PC.
I wonder if I show on hers?
I don't really use messenger I do things from my Pc.

[hurting300]

Makes no sense huh? Mine blocked me after a year of not talking. My ex left me after two years. She didn't even have the decency to tell me. She just up and left without a word. And after a year of me sending nice messages asking why she blocked me. And beware, don't try their friends either. Most likely they are just as bad as the ex.

[JaxWest]

Mine did the same thing. The final argument was January 12th... .A month later, she restricted me on facebook, so I can't see her stuff. She can still see mine. I don't know if this is a power ploy they use or what, but it seems like this is frequent. Mine literally went like this: she emailed me about "work", then texted me, then restricted me.  It just doesn't make sense at all. It never does. But, it makes the no contact rule easier, think of it that way.

[Indifferent28]

what the hell... .

i dont understand this at all. if youd have regular contact or a bad argument, then i'd get it.
but no contact, then random block...

[Rayban]

To  me, this is a blessing for you. It takes away the possibility of messaging her after a few drinks ... .thats never good. I've been there taking a peek at her FB page, looking at old posts or chats, and the only thing that did for me was keep me stuck in a rut.  I was feeding her the attention, feeling down, while she was out there with other people. 

Why did she do it now? Maybe she's with other people and doesn't want to give you the chance to interact with them. In the end it doesn't matter. She could have done it out of impulse, knowing it would leave you pinning and ruminating on her.  Let it be. Decide if you truly want to detach. If yes then consider this as a good thing.

[Indifferent28]

i guess you are right. She hasnt drunk texted me and i havent drunk texted her. Not since like more than a year ago.

But whats weird is i never really talked to her on messenger, even when we dated.
She would know by now that i'd message her on text, not messenger, so thats why it is sort of weird that she'd  block me there.

Maybe she has my phone number blocked too.
I guess i won't know.