Now what?

[Preciousone]

My adult son just told me in no uncertain terms to get out of his life.  He has been very difficult  ( unstable) for many years, this last time he hurled  untrue insults my way, after I asked if he had an eraser, then threatened to call police if I didn't leave, I was not going to let him have that much power, and stay there ( I was visiting for  the afternoon) but he escalated the situation. I left.
My inclination  is to just stay gone,  but is that a correct choice?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Kwamina]

Hi Preciousone and welcome to bpdfamily

I am sorry you've had this very unpleasant experience with your son. Would you say this is a typical response pattern of him that he reacts in such an extreme manner when asked simple things like do you have an eraser?

How did the visit go up on to the point he made that threat, was he already becoming unstable or did his threat come out of nowhere? Has he ever threatened to call the police before to remove you from his house?

This site is aimed at the family-members of people with BPD. You mention that your son has been very difficult/unstable for many years now. Could you describe his most difficult or disturbing behaviors? Has your son perhaps been diagnosed with any kind of mental, emotional and/or behavioral disorder?

Take care and I hope to read more of your story later

The Board Parrot

[Lollypop]

Hi there preciousone

I just wanted to say hello and welcome to the board. I'm very sorry what brought you here and you must be feeling emotional yourself. I'm glad you found us.

I've got an adult son 26 who was diagnosed at 24. He currently lives at home with us and I know that feeling of walking on eggshells. My BPDs26 is so highly tuned, highly sensitive and can pick up on the tiniest things. I found that whatever I did, I just made things worse.

I've been on the forum for over a year now. I read up on BPD (take a look at the top right hand of this page) and, the more I learned, I found I was better able to not react to my BPDs. I got a better understanding of his challenges and limitations. Slowly, with better communication and validation skills he started to respond positively. Our relationship is good now and, regardless of what happens in the future and the problems, this is exactly what we both need. We are working on him being able to live independently.

I've often felt that I never wanted to see my BPDs again in the dramas over the years.  I finally realised that I want him in my life and I need to be the parent he needs, not the one I thought I should be. He needs me to not react.

i encourage you to learn more about BPD and how you can interact better with your son.

How are you feeling about not seeing him?

Gently forwards. Take care of yourself.

L