Same old issues, same old results

[loyalwife]

   it gets so tiresome of the same conflicts, the same issues and the same results. I can see it coming days before. Regardless of how much I try to avoid or dismiss, he always ends up getting mad a the same thing. He told me tonight that we had made a mistake getting married, and that if he could wind back the clock he would not have gotten tangled up with me. He hates my dogs, and hates my kids. I love my dogs and love my kids and he can't seem to 'unbundle' me from them. Yesterday everything was great! This morning, I bought my son a cup of tea, and the whole world came crushing down. He doesn't want to talk to me, and said he doesn't want my company and that this is the beginning of the end. It's been like this for a long time. He gets like this, doesn't want anything to do with me, and then comes back. I know that this is part of his BPD, but it gets so old. Does anyone else feel that way? He says such mean things to me, doesn't want to sleep with me or be near me, and then it changes and he's back to his old self. I make the mistake of wanting to 'fix it', but realize that I never will be able to. He blames it on me, saying that I have argued with him. He starts it and continues it, and when he does, I can't understand how he can love me one minute and the next want nothing to do with me.
     I am so tired of feeling less than and in his way. If i weren't here he would have more money and be happy, that 's what he says. Whenever he gets too tired or lacks sleep he goes into the darkness easier. I've known him for four years, and it's always the same pattern. I wait, until he comes back. I am just so tired. I am just so hurt. Tonight I feel so alone.

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PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Fie]

Hello Loyalwife 

How are you feeling now ?
I recognize a lot of what you write, I have a BPDex and in our relationship the tendencies were similar as the ones you are describing. A big hug to you 

Have you read some material on this site ? I will copy some links for you, maybe you can take a look - if you haven't already that is.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=61684.0

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=143695.0

https://bpdfamily.com/content/communication-skills-dont-be-invalidating

[loyalwife]

Hi FIE,
   Thanks. I'm feeling a little better tonight, but worn down. He raged for the last few days and then suddenly asked me what I wanted to eat!  Like nothing is wrong. He told me earlier that I shouldn't live him and that things were going to get a lot worse. I just wish I didn't love him. I would go.
    I appreciate your thoughts!