Our sex life was horrible but not with others. Was it my fault?

[TNDad]

 I figured I would break down some of my feelings into shorter topics because the entire story is just far too long. Our sex life over nine years was pretty horrible. We had sex  anywhere from 3 to 10 times a year  with the latter being very infrequent.

 Her thing about sex was that she wanted to feel loved and cared for and special order to have it. I completely understand that. I thought I was making her feel loved and did a whole bunch of stuff for her and forgave for a bunch of other things.  The way she had put it where is that nothing I really did made her feel loved. To her it was the small things.

 So, over the years she has cheated a lot. With now her leaving and living with somebody else for the past 2 1/2 weeks. He is single or well now with her, but no responsibilities  and is with her all the time. He says the right things and can do the right things whenever he wants.

Now over the years she has cheated and talked to other men and done things because they've made her feel special. I tried making her see that I can't compete with a single guy that can go to a bar every night or text all day long.  Over the past 14 months, she has not been able to put her phone down. Texting other guys or phone number been given out and it was almost like she was waiting for that one guy to buy her story and make her feel special.

My question is really not about him but is there anyway that if I didn't say the right thing every day that she would have ever wanted me? I know she's probably slept with this new guy, who's been able  to say all the right things and do all the right things, more in the last 2 1/2 weeks or more than she has and probably the last 2 1/2 years with me. I guess I know I can't compete  with guys like this because I have a real full-time job and four kids to take care of and the house to take care of but it really feels like I don't really know if I could've done more better to make her want me?  I've seen that BPD can lead to the office a thing as far as being overly sexual but she has been the opposite with me,  but denies sleeping with any of the man that she had her phone until obviously this guy.

[UnforgivenII]

Sex life with my ex was awful , scarce and weird. I had other stories before and It was never like that. They are hypersexual or asexual because they are disconnected from themselves. We could do nothing. And she is blaming you like they always do but It does not make it the truth

[TNDad]

 I know that she is blaming me. However I don't know if it's because I didn't do the things that these other guys are doing or what but I know it's not my fault that she had 40 guys and your phone at any given time. I know that's an exaggeration but way more than any married woman should ever have.

 I understand that you need to make someone feel special  in order for them to want to be with you. I guess my issue was I did a lot of stuff but none of it ever seem to be the stuff that she wanted. I couldn't go out to karaoke with her 2 to 3 nights a week because we have kids at home and couldn't afford to pay babysitter $50 night to watch the kids. I can't text her all day long because I have a job and can't sit there texting her while I have  customer sitting in front of me.  A lot of times I would love to come home and just spend time with her but I needed to do things with the kids because wasn't done or the house wasn't taken care of so I need to do that.

 That other stuff just was never Porten to her importance of what I needed to tell her she was beautiful every single morning which any person should. She needed someone to listen to her all day long which I couldn't.  I know they blame me for yelling and screaming and getting angry with her for talking to other Man is obviously not my fault. I could've handled it better but anyone's going to get angry on their spouse is talking to numerous amounts of  The opposite sex and hiding everything on their phone so you can't see.

 I guess my issue is I know that BPDs  are hyper sexual and I don't know if that virgin her is the specialness of other guys not actually sleeping with them but flirting with them constantly? Do you hyper sexual part was never with me. So I'm just not sure if she doesn't fit that bill and which is my fault or it is some sort of aspect of the BPD?