Anybody else adoptive with an adopted mom with BPD?

[Nola0841]

My mom actually told me not too long ago that we are not close because I'm adopted. So she's basically saying I'm the reason we don't have a good relationship because she couldn't mold me into what she wanted or expected because we are not blood related. How can a mother be so cruel? I just wonder if her BPD is worse with me because I was adoptive. She has never treated my brother like this in our lives ( except recently after my father died- but for different reasons). TIA for your help or advice.

[Basenji]

I just wonder if her BPD is worse with me because I was adoptive. She has never treated my brother like this in our lives ( except recently after my father died- but for different reasons). TIA for your help or advice.

I am also adopted. My mother is uBPD. It is my personal opinion that the behaviours of the borderline would continue on their toxic merry way regardless.

To be honest, I am rather relieved that she's not a blood relative. It would have meant less risk of any genetic inheritance for BPD into the next generation (if I had ended up with kids of my own).

It also makes it much easier to go "non contact" - less sense of responsibility for a parent - or even confront the woman over her abusive behaviours.

I am amazed that I maintained some sense of loyalty to the woman for so many years, just because she is legally my parent!

Having recently come to terms with just how abusive she really is, I no longer feel any last vestige of responsibility for her.

My mother always let me know I was adopted (i.e. not hers). Just another weapon in the armoury of the borderline's unceasing abuse and toxicity. If she wasn't picking on that, it would simply be something else.







 

[Turkish]

My mother told me I was adopted but in a healthy way. I was 2.4, so I kind of remember it.  I think she did a good job in this regard. 

I think when I was maybe 10, however,  I first heard,  "sometimes I wish I'd never adopted you!" When I was a teenager and she told me this,  I felt like saying, "you and me both lady!" But of course I'd never ever say that out loud.  I just shut down.  I didn't want to get smacked around more, yelled at or things thrown at me. 

When I was 13 CPS caught up to us due to my mom taking me or of school.  The DA threatened to take me away due to our living conditions so she took me out of 8th grade for 4 months until we were caught.  No home schooling,  no plan either. 

She a cleared by CPS because we were living in a cab over camper that was at the time clean,  and we had propane to cook (earlier in the year we mostly ate for cold out of cans).

I thought about trying to talk to the CPS guy on my own apart from her,  but I was afraid. It was the same year,  I think after? But when she forced me into family therapy, which she abandoned after one session,  I knew the T would tell her what I said.  I didn't trust the system to protect me.  Though I often fantasized about being part of a "real" family (if there is such a thing), I didn't want to go into the unknown of going back into foster care.  I was very independent by then,  being the latch key kid of a single mother who worked nights.  I probably would have been ok, especially being used to drama and change.

I thought a lot about killing myself those years... .however,  I reasoned that it wasn't too far to 18, the fall after high school graduation,  and I would be an adult who could be my own person.  I moved out on my 18th birthday when I could legally sign a lease. Never spent a night back.