Updating my situation

[daverisk]

Random thoughts about my situation here.

Those following my saga know my wife is in a partial hospital therapy.  Last Friday (8 APRIL) when she reported back to the hospital she made a suicide gesture/attempt by taking her roommate's pills.  She had her stomach pumped and phone taken away for her efforts.  I think this was more a gesture than a full fledged suicide attempt.  She also had to be sedated three times over that weekend. 

Quite surprisingly to me they allowed her to come home this past weekend... .I think in part because it is Easter (a pretty big holiday here) and because we had our daughter's 4th B'day party planned for this weekend.

Still getting the push pull thing.  Thursday night before she came home she wrote to say she would be sleeping on the couch and that she doesn't love me.  Friday morning when she got home I got a big hug, "I don't want a divorce" and she slept with me (without sex... .neither of us ready yet). 

She also went out Friday evening... .planned a few weeks ago... .with friends I know and trust... .at our usual dance club.  She stayed out til 5:30 AM but didn't drink.  Part of the evening was spent talking with one of her girl friends about this girl's attraction to me... .somehow that seems to be identified by my wife as the "trigger" for whatever she's going through. 

On her 30th B'day party in August I danced several times with this friend in a way my wife didn't like... .and after she addressed it with me I agreed and didn't dance with her any more.  Turns out the friend is attracted to me and even told my wife that if she didn't want me anymore to let her know.  My wife identifies this incident as the trigger that started this spiral... .I identify the whole "I'm 30, married, with four kids... .not where I expected to be at 30 when I was 18."  Not sure of the entire course of their conversation except they're still friends... .the girl confirms an attraction to me... .and I know nothing else.

Over all a good weekend... .celebrated our daughter's 4th birthday in a fairly traditional Czech fashion.  I noticed her getting a bit overwhelmed at times and stepped in to help her control her stress levels by assisting more with hosting duties or sending her on the balcony to smoke if she was getting stressed... .she seemed to appreciate this.

She refuses to say "I love you" until she "feels it" rather than doing it out of habit... .but she doesn't want a divorce and wants to fix our marriage.  I guess I can understand that in a sense... .but I also think it's a bit manipulative on her part.

Part of the caveat for allowing her to come home this week is she has to stay at the hospital two weeks straight with no home visit... .and they extended her stay by 3 weeks... .so her five week program that was to end May 5th now goes until May 26th... .

I see progress... .but I also see potential issues... .remaining somewhat hopeful even as I face the reality that a lot of damage has been done.  I am emotionally exhausted.

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[once removed]

I am emotionally exhausted.

overall, the situation sounds on the ups, but what are you doing to take care of yourself?

[daverisk]

once,

What am I doing to take care of myself?  Not enough probably.  The "big thing" is my therapy... .but with the holidays and a limited number of English speaking counselors I haven't had a session all month... .Monday will be my next one.

I'm trying to find opportunities to get out of the house other than work... .but the weather hasn't been cooperating for the last few weeks

I've done some reading that my therapist recommended... .about me and my issues rather than my wife's.  

BREAK BREAK BREAK

In the middle of typing this the neighbor came over... .asked me if I knew where my wife was... .told him yes.  He says "I don't think you do."  His wife came and watched the kids and he drove me over to another town about 15 minutes away... .my wife's car was there even after telling me she was back in the hospital.  He says the car has been there since Sunday... .when she said she was going back to the hospital. 

Messaged wife who said she was in the hospital... .I sent her pictures of the car... .she said she did not know who sent the pictures but they were old... .she was in the hospital... .I told her I took the pictures just 20 minutes before.  She said she had the whole day off, didn't want to stay at home because it made her cry.  Told her the friend said her car was there from Sunday... .she denies.

I told a friend of my wife and I who has been watching our children after school until I get home.  She said she had doubts if my wife was EVER in the hospital... .suggested I call.  I called... .the hospital says she has NEVER been registered there.  Sometimes night shift gets things confused.

I am going to call back tomorrow with a translator... .if it is true she has NEVER been registered there I think I found a boundary... .if she was NEVER in the hospital it will be time to lay this thing to rest.  If she was, and freaked out, and didn't go back Sunday, I can deal with that.