Stalking claims by BPD

[JaxWest]

As I am reading through these posts, one of the things that I have seen is that BPD's often falsely accuse non BPD's of stalking. Is this a common thing? Why is this? Is this projection? I know there have been some lies spread about me, but not sure to the level those lies have hit. I am trying to protect myself because I just don't trust this one. She has lied and I have caught her in lies and she lied again. She has made pretty brash comments about other people that I know are untrue too. In both cases, she felt victimized, so she lied and made false claims about them. At this point, I am just trying to protect myself from her.

One thing I thought was weird was that she never had her people around when she was with me. I was isolated from her friends, coworkers and etc. We would do group things, but she would never invite her people. She would be with her friends and I would see uptown, but she would act strange.

However, it was the complete opposite for my friends. She would text my friend, ask about my dating life. Invite herself to things. She texted a friend to see what we were doing. She went to my birthday dinner with me and my coworkers, when nobody invited her. She sought out my friends and wanted to hang out with them (who luckily were uncomfortable and did not go). I bought tickets to X game, she would buy tickets to X game (and act very secretive). I would look up travel information to Iceland, she looked up that information. I would look up information to a game out of state, so she would look up that same information. I planned a trip to NYC, she wanted to know where and when I was going/staying. I would lose contact with her, she would email me about "work". Even the first time we met was weird. I was selling something online and she was the one that bought it. We met up to sell it, she knew who I was. I had no idea who she was. A couple of weeks later, I got an email about "work". I started going to trivia, so she started going. I started going to this restaurant, so she did too. Mine name was continuously brought up to my friends/coworkers; before and after things. I was being watched and likely stalked in some capacity. My counselor said she has stalker qualities.

I mean... .usually when things end, it just seems like you go your separate ways or something. I am friends with some ex's and we used to hang out still, in groups, with her friends and my friends because we already had a mutual group. This one was not friends with my friends before this though, so it is odd that she started to seek them out and even odder that she would always go alone to be with my group. I am pretty sure her friends/coworkers did not know about me because of this. I told her she could invite other people when we did our game watches and stuff, but she never invited her friends. It was like she just wanted to me around my people, which should have been a red flag for sure. It was like she wanted me to be separated from her people.

I know they like to isolate you, is that because it makes it easier for them to make claims? The week after she said she was getting back with an ex, she texted my coworker... .the one that she asked about my dating life and continued to ask about me. I would go someplace with this coworker and she would text my coworker. He was getting uncomfortable, because she would ask "several" questions about me and he felt like she was inviting herself when he was with me. Yet, when she was confronted about this, she accused him of being "creepy". Really? She is the one texting him and asking about me. Just worried she will project something onto me. I am not reaching out to her friends. If I see them, I am not asking them about her. I am not trying to be around them like she is with my friends. But, I am worried she will say something, similar to what she said about my coworker.

[CorsaG19]

I actually laughed out loud as i read your post... .only because it is mirror image of what i have gone through with my ex. Its crazy how much everyones stories match

This morning i woke up to a number of messages accusing me of stalking which is strange as i had blocked her on everything and she made a new account and added me on snapchat to message me. Said i had been hacking her Facebook.  Ive just had to prove to her by showing her my IP address that it was nothing to do with me.

Throughout the relationship she would accuse me of being a stalker. If i looked at her phone for the time i was a stalker etc

I had a relationship with my best friend way before i met the ex.  It was brief and we ended it as we realised we had messed the friendship up. We werent as close but we were still friends. The ex with BPD didnt like this and had messaged her within 2 weeks of us meeting. 

She added my sister and friends on facebook.  None of who she had met. She would snapchat one of my best mates.  Like she wanted them as her own friends.  It was all very strange but i thought she was lonely and let her off.  I didnt mind.  If i got close to a particular friend she would message them and they start an arguement.  Like to sabotage the relationship i had with them. Luckily most of my friends were aware of the situation with her and ignored it.

[JaxWest]

I actually laughed out loud as i read your post... .only because it is mirror image of what i have gone through with my ex. Its crazy how much everyones stories match

This morning i woke up to a number of messages accusing me of stalking which is strange as i had blocked her on everything and she made a new account and added me on snapchat to message me. Said i had been hacking her Facebook.  Ive just had to prove to her by showing her my IP address that it was nothing to do with me.

Throughout the relationship she would accuse me of being a stalker. If i looked at her phone for the time i was a stalker etc

I had a relationship with my best friend way before i met the ex.  It was brief and we ended it as we realised we had messed the friendship up. We werent as close but we were still friends. The ex with BPD didnt like this and had messaged her within 2 weeks of us meeting. 

She added my sister and friends on facebook.  None of who she had met. She would snapchat one of my best mates.  Like she wanted them as her own friends.  It was all very strange but i thought she was lonely and let her off.  I didnt mind.  If i got close to a particular friend she would message them and they start an arguement.  Like to sabotage the relationship i had with them. Luckily most of my friends were aware of the situation with her and ignored it.

Yeah, it is crazy how much stories align here. I hung out with her friend at trivia (in a group) before I met her. So, when I met the BPD, I was still going to trivia, because, well, I always did. It had nothing to do with her or her friend going. A group of us did this. I didn't talk about her or anything like that. She decided to start going after I did, but now trivia has pretty well fallen apart because she didn't want me there. (Because I had to be a secret and she could only be around my friends, not the other way)

She texted my friend, twice, but my friend is the one that is "creepy".  It isn't creepy that she was texting a married man who is friends with me, so that can ask about my dating life and my personal life. She reached out to me out of the blue to discuss work, then restricted me on facebook. Yet, she is the one that reached out to me. She gossips about people and wants to label them with a personality disorder. Yet, when my friend mentioned that somebody is asking about my dating life, my friend and I are the ones that are gossiping. Really?

After things looked like they were done, she invites herself to my things and starts eating my food. I am not talking eating a french fry or two... .She goes in and it is just assumed that she can share my meal with me. So, I ask her about this and try to have a discussion and she comes after me and says we are colleagues and acts like I am crazy. I don't know too many colleagues that just go in and feel like my stuff is up for them to take.

[Pretty Woman]

Isolation is definitely a way to separate you from the herd.

You are going to get a chuckle out of this. Now, years removed even I can laugh about it.  

A month prior to the final discard I threw a very lavish birthday for my ex. I have a friend who lives on the Gold Coast (Chicago) and she offered to host this beautiful party with floor to ceiling windows viewing the city.

So I made it a surprise party which now I believe was a HUUUUUGE Trigger for my ex.

My ex did not have friends, just MY friends which is pretty common because they seem to latch on to our lives when they are mirroring. Anyways, I invited all the people she DID tell me about throughout our relationship, the people she claimed to be friends with, some even life-long close friends.

A funny thing happened.

80% of these people thanked me but didn't show up. These were the people she grew up with, even lived with at some point. None and I mean NONE of her family attended and I had to reach out twice to make sure they got the email invite. In fact the only one who did respond was her mother who instead of thanking me for the invite said I was a braggart throwing such a lavish party and she would not be attending.

Who did show? ALL HER EXES THAT STILL SPEAK TO HER!

So we walk off the elevator and all these people, all these people she had dated but had never met each other are yelling "surprise" at her. .

Unintentionally I just welcomed all these people she had lied to about each other into the same small space for four hours with excessive alcohol. You can bet not only was the booze flowing, so were the stories.

I was dumped three weeks later... She actually told me she was upset I wasn't more affectionate with her at the party (when she was dumping me). I responded, what? You wanted me to grope you while you were catching up with old friends? 0 appreciation for anything I did for her but she sure as hell used all the gift cards and things my friends bought and brought her.

They all got Thank Yous. I got dumped and told our relationship was ending because of ME.

To this day, I think she hated me at this point (the party). I was public enemy #1 out to ruin her. Funny thing is had I wanted to do that I would not have spent $3000 on a birthday party to get dumped a few weeks later. It truly was not intentional!

[JaxWest]

Isolation is definitely a way to separate you from the herd.

You are going to get a chuckle out of this. Now, years removed even I can laugh about it.  

A month prior to the final discard I threw a very lavish birthday for my ex. I have a friend who lives on the Gold Coast (Chicago) and she offered to host this beautiful party with floor to ceiling windows viewing the city.

So I made it a surprise party which now I believe was a HUUUUUGE Trigger for my ex.

My ex did not have friends, just MY friends which is pretty common because they seem to latch on to our lives when they are mirroring. Anyways, I invited all the people she DID tell me about throughout our relationship, the people she claimed to be friends with, some even life-long close friends.

A funny thing happened.

80% of these people thanked me but didn't show up. These were the people she grew up with, even lived with at some point. None and I mean NONE of her family attended and I had to reach out twice to make sure they got the email invite. In fact the only one who did respond was her mother who instead of thanking me for the invite said I was a braggart throwing such a lavish party and she would not be attending.

Who did show? ALL HER EXES THAT STILL SPEAK TO HER!

So we walk off the elevator and all these people, all these people she had dated but had never met each other are yelling "surprise" at her. .

Unintentionally I just welcomed all these people she had lied to about each other into the same small space for four hours with excessive alcohol. You can bet not only was the booze flowing, so was the stories.

I was dumped three weeks later... She actually told me she was upset I wasn't more affectionate with her at the party (when she was dumping me). I responded, what? You wanted me to grope you while you were catching up with old friends? 0 appreciation for anything I did for her but she sure as hell used all the gift cards and things my friends bought and brought her.

They all got Thank Yous. I got dumped and told our relationship was ending because of ME.

To this day, I think she hated me at this point (the party). I was public enemy #1 out to ruin her. Funny thing is had I wanted to do that I would not have spent $3000 on a birthday party to get dumped a few weeks later. It truly was not intentional!

Lol. That is actually pretty entertaining. It is good you can laugh about it now, but it would have been great to be able to know what was going on in her mind!

They do like to herd toward the non's friends, don't they? That is the common theme in both my ex BPD and possible the 2nd possible BPD. I have never had any ex's do that. Both of these flocked toward my friends when it seemed like things were done. Just weird.

[Pretty Woman]

And to add to your post.

When my ex dumped me she instructed all her friends to unfriend me... .which they promptly did. However, she still reached out to all my friends going so far as to attending a going away party for a friend she knew THROUGH me. I was headed to Mexico on a trip where I was now eating her ticket. She brings her new GF and introduces her to all my friends who were puzzled and didn't even know we had broken up. They were all extremely uncomfortable.

You know why she did this? She needed to create an illusion she had friends to her new amore. She also wanted to create the illusion we "just didn't work out" and this is how it would be now.
Her terms.

 It's funny, a few weeks ago she decided to unfriend all our mutual friends out of the blue mind you she hasn't spoken to any of these people in over two years. The only friends she kept were these people she saw at this going away party (again hasn't talked to them in years). I believe it's just to present a façade to her GF, to show her she has friends when really she doesn't.

The way they operate is always interesting to me. There really isn't a true identity. It's a lot of smoke and mirrors, a lot of illusion.

[Pretty Woman]

They herd the friends because it's YOUR FAULT IT DIDN'T WORK. Why should they give up your friends?

That's how they think so it seems normal.

In normal relationships where mutual friends were involved, we were respective of each other. My God, my ex boyfriend's wife even works for me! I love them to death, wish only the best for them.

But when we parted we made sure we weren't at the same events for awhile, gave each other space. Had I not been traveling to Mexico I would have had to decline a going away party for MY friend because my ex was there and all over her GF.

Another thing to keep in mind... .I was in a gay relationship and 90% of my friends are straight. I would never disrespect them by a bunch of PDA which is exactly what my ex did with her new GF. In many ways I know it was to get back to me through them. I just remember thinking how inappropriate and disrespectful that was. She is still with this woman who I would think would have declined such an event knowing these are my friends but this same woman wanted to be my friend while dating my ex.

She actually called me and told me my relationship had been over for awhile and I needed to move on, couldn't we all hang out?

?

I suspect my ex's GF also has a lot of issues herself. My ex used to accuse me of cheating because I was on FB a lot. This new one likes everything, and I mean EVERYTHING anyone ever posts... .all her friends, almost immediately. I actually think they might be good for each other as she is very co-dependent with a strong need to be liked by everyone even the ex girlfriend's of her new amore's which is strange to me.