My BPD fiance and I broke up

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

Hi there,

I just came out of a very abusive relationship with an undiagnosed BPD man. The entire last half of our relationship, I began studying this and its just so clear he was ill with this. He was suicidal, depressed, angry, jealous, controlling, couldn't keep a job... .and then i got pregnant. I moved away with him with his parents who enabled his behavior... .he began to absolutely hate me... .out of nowhere... .and kicked me and the kids out! My family had to take us in. Its been hard. He had 12 days to reach out to see how our 1 month old son was, but he didnt and he was served with a temporary domestic violence restraining order i filed against him to obtain full custody. Ontop of that, he put social media back up when he vowed we shouldn't have it in our relationship... .and went and added a bunch of sluts that he slept with and bad influences on him that he said he didnt ever want to talk to again... .while putting a photo of our son on his social media page ! My best friend thinks this is his way of still trying to control me and get me enraged and make a Facebook to react to him, because i dont have one.

I have questions.  Does he still care? It was like while we were together,  he often times had these random regrets with the first two women in his life. Will he regret what hes done to me and the kids? This occurred about 4 weeks ago. 

Next, is infact the social media thing him being passive agressive? If i dont play into making one, will this upset him?


And finally... .will he show up to court? I mean its a domestic violence case. There would be serious consequences if he didnt because we share a son. However, he didnt care enough to call before i had him served and that was in almost 2 weeks.

I admit, im starting to lose it. I could use some answers and support. 

[Happygirl07]

Hi there,

I just came out of a very abusive relationship with an undiagnosed BPD man. The entire last half of our relationship, I began studying this and its just so clear he was ill with this. He was suicidal, depressed, angry, jealous, controlling, couldn't keep a job... .and then i got pregnant. I moved away with him with his parents who enabled his behavior... .he began to absolutely hate me... .out of nowhere... .and kicked me and the kids out! My family had to take us in. Its been hard. He had 12 days to reach out to see how our 1 month old son was, but he didnt and he was served with a temporary domestic violence restraining order i filed against him to obtain full custody. Ontop of that, he put social media back up when he vowed we shouldn't have it in our relationship... .and went and added a bunch of sluts that he slept with and bad influences on him that he said he didnt ever want to talk to again... .while putting a photo of our son on his social media page ! My best friend thinks this is his way of still trying to control me and get me enraged and make a Facebook to react to him, because i dont have one.

I have questions.  Does he still care? It was like while we were together,  he often times had these random regrets with the first two women in his life. Will he regret what hes done to me and the kids? This occurred about 4 weeks ago. 

Next, is infact the social media thing him being passive agressive? If i dont play into making one, will this upset him?


And finally... .will he show up to court? I mean its a domestic violence case. There would be serious consequences if he didnt because we share a son. However, he didnt care enough to call before i had him served and that was in almost 2 weeks.

I admit, im starting to lose it. I could use some answers and support. 

[heartandwhole]

Hi Happygirl07,



I'm sorry to hear of your situation. Being kicked out and having to find a place to go is a lot of stress to be under.   I'm glad you are with family right now, because having support in situations like these is so important.

I wish I could answer your questions, but as you know, we can't get into other people's heads and hearts. If your partner has BPD, there are some patterns that do seem to recur, but everyone is an individual. BPD is a spectrum disorder that features emotional instability, bouts of anger, and fears of abandonment, among other things.

I think the most important thing you can do is protect yourself and your child right now. I'm glad you have taken action on that front.

Do you feel safe where you are?  Is your family supportive? 

This is the time to rally as much support around you as you can. I'd avoid FB and anything that will escalate the emotions in this situation. I think a calm and stable environment would be very helpful for you at the moment.

Keep writing. Members here understand what you are going through.

heartandwhole