I just have been dumped by my exBDF girlfriend

[MikeL1990]

I just have been dumped by my exBDF girlfriend. She blames it on her indecisiveness and says she doesn't want to hold me back from my future. I am confused and lost right now. Any guidance would be appreciated.

[roberto516]

Welcome Mike   I know the feeling. I've been dumped twice by the same girl with similar answers and reasons like that. There isn't logic behind it. Which is hard because for you and me we probably are looking for "the reason".

The only reason I was ever able to get was that she truly felt the fear of abandonment through actions which I had no idea were causing that to happen. But they can't explain that. If they did they'd be able to talk about it, and sit down and work it out with us. To disprove their fears. But they don't have the emotional maturity to do that. Those emotions are scary. So what can they do, but be the dumper before they are abandoned. It's a way to protect themselves. Despite the fact that it is causing the chaos and unhappiness they are desperately trying to avoid.

Outside of that it is a puzzle I will never understand. The emotions they have aren't able to be processed. None of us will ever truly know what's going on with them.

I know the pain. I know the confusion, and the hurt. I'm going through it right now. And I will be for a very long time. Please keep posting here. Please keep sharing. Right now you might need to just vent, and not feel so alone. Answers for yourself will come in time. But right now just know that someone else understands. And you aren't alone.

[MikeL1990]

Welcome Mike   I know the feeling. I've been dumped twice by the same girl with similar answers and reasons like that. There isn't logic behind it. Which is hard because for you and me we probably are looking for "the reason".

The only reason I was ever able to get was that she truly felt the fear of abandonment through actions which I had no idea were causing that to happen. But they can't explain that. If they did they'd be able to talk about it, and sit down and work it out with us. To disprove their fears. But they don't have the emotional maturity to do that. Those emotions are scary. So what can they do, but be the dumper before they are abandoned. It's a way to protect themselves. Despite the fact that it is causing the chaos and unhappiness they are desperately trying to avoid.

Outside of that it is a puzzle I will never understand. The emotions they have aren't able to be processed. None of us will ever truly know what's going on with them.

I know the pain. I know the confusion, and the hurt. I'm going through it right now. And I will be for a very long time. Please keep posting here. Please keep sharing. Right now you might need to just vent, and not feel so alone. Answers for yourself will come in time. But right now just know that someone else understands. And you aren't alone.

Thanks so much for the feedback. You're God sent. My head has been so cloudy right now. It felt as if I have been hit by an emotional train.

[MikeL1990]

This all occurred after our break up. We were in the process of starting over and building a better "friendship". She was hot for two days then she started to go cold. After two days of not hearing from her, I received a text from her stating we should stay friends due to her indecisiveness.

[roberto516]

That's what happened with my second discard. Although it was about 2 weeks good, and then one week kinda, with one week detaching. It hurts. Especially because I felt like I had gained my passion for life back (I don't know if you did either).

And that's okay to feel confused and hurt. It means you are a human being who cared/cares about someone else  There's nothing wrong with what you are feeling. It might help to try and identify what it is you are feeling. I know that's hard sometimes. Because like you said you have been hit by a train. I know I felt completely lost, sad, dejected, angry, resentful, guilty. All of it just came out of nowhere and came and went.

But those feelings are okay. There's nothing wrong with feeling. In time this is all going to reveal itself to you.

And thank you for the words but I'm not a god send  I read your post and know exactly what it feels like. As I said, I'm still going through it. But you're a caring human being who is hurt. And you deserve to be able to share and talk to someone right now.