Please help Does this sound like a BPD girlfriend and will she come back?

[Depression = 72% of members]

Ok so me and my girlfriend split up on Friday. Through out the whole relationship she would flip out on me for every little thing and call me a piece of ___ a pathetic loser and literally just laugh in my face. No matter what she did she was always right and if I tried to give her any sort of rational explaination or a comparison as to what I've done and how it compares to something she's down she would call me a dumb piece of ___ and tell me my comparisons are so dumb and she can't believe someone could be such an idiot and a loser and I need to get a dictionary etc etc.

In the beginning of the relationship I always had like a joking playful tone with her when I would pick on her and if she would say something I'd be like "oh God you're so stupid haha" but at the same time hugging her or putting my arm around her. She eventually told me she did not like me doing this so I stopped. 8 months ago. We were together for a year and one month so it was about 5 months in. She also started to tell me that I wasn't affectionate enough or didn't compliment her enough which I do know these to be one of my faults when I'm with someone so I also changed that and for the past 5 or 6 months I've basically complimented her everyday telling her how she's pretty sexy funny etc etc. In the very beginning we would break up probably once every month or every other month but always end up talking less than an hour later and being fine. When she was at my house if we fought especially if she was drunk it was an absolute nightmare. She would go around my room kicking things hitting me spitting on me and my things throwing things around for hours while yelling at me telling me how I've ruined her whole life. This went on for our whole relationship.

6 or 7 months ago she started breaking up with me pretty much every other day. Over absolutely anything. If I was tired and she wasn't she would throw a temper tantrum and break up with me. Going to sit on the curb and telling me she's calling an Uber to go home and eventually I would calm her down and get her back inside. Sometimes she would make me beg her for a while. All this at 4 am. Not like I'm trying to go to bed at 8 pm. She would do this constantly. Anything that she didn't like she would immediately go off. If one thing went wrong then basically my next 3 hours were all ___ed up because she would just be yelling at me and the most negative person in the world. We lived in different states so she would come stay a week or so then go home for a week or so. It seemed like it was very bad when she was home. When she was over I could calm her down after a few hours and we would go on to have a good time. When she got home almost like clockwork she would tell me she loves me the first day she got home and everything would be happy and ok. Then the next day she would find something to fight about and then flip out and break up with me EVERY SINGLE TIME there hasn't been one fight that hasn't led to at least an hour long break up and sometimes longer.

She made me delete all my friends that were girls on Facebook and Instagram. Since she did it to me I told her she has to do the same. She accused me of trying to control her life and she just deleted all her social media and told me I forced her to do it. I explained to her it's only fair if that's what I have to do but she was having none of it. In January she found out that I had a conversation with a girl I dated a year ago for only a month until we decided we were better as friends the conversation literally about nothing but a mutual friend. She made me delete all the girls numbers in my phone. I ended up wanting to keep some so like an idiot I screenshotted the number and emailed it to myself. I understand that I shouldnt have done this. She found out and flipped out like crazy. I explained to her why I did it and how I'm scared to ever tell her anything because of how she talks to me and insults me like crazy when I say anything. She told me she wouldnt do that if I was honest but the past proves otherwise. She told me I was manipulating her to believe my lies. This is a girl that also lied in the beginning of our relationship about guys she had on social media when she told me to delete the girls and I told her to delete the guys she would tell me she never had sex with them then come to find out a month later she had sex with a lot of the guys she wanted to keep on there. After all this she says she can never trust me again... .not that she did at any point in the relationship anyway.

Now about a month and a half ago 3 weeks before our anniversary and my birthday she tells me doesn't love me anymore and she sees me as a friend and that she's sorry. It went on like this for 3 weeks of her telling me we are not together almost every day even though we would talk everyday. She agreed to come over for our anniversary and see how things went. The went pretty great. I took her to dinner, gave her a candle lit picknic in my room with wine and a record player she's always wanted... the whole works. (I was always doing things like this on special occasions and bringing her flowers even on not special occasions and constantly posting romantic things about her in social media) so that night she cried and told me she can't believe I'd do all this for her and she feels so bad cause she doesn't love me anymore I comfort her and talk to her and we have sex etc etc... .she stays over for a whole week. Then I go to her house and we're in just such a great mood for those whole 7 days except one of the days she had a full blown freakout because she told me she was starving but not to bring her food but I brought her food anyway she she was biting the food and just spitting it back into the wrapper telling me she doesn't want this ___ and forced me to take it out of the room and eat it with my daughter even though I told her I'd leave it for her if she got hungry but she flipped out and said if I don't take it she's leaving. She texted me 20 minutes later and asked if I ate it with my daughter and I told her no I just threw it out. She flipped out again telling me I should have left the food for her if I was going to throw  it out because now she's starving... .anyway I eventually get her to calm down we go out for a few drinks and have a great night. She's telling me she loves me at this point and doesn't know why she gets so crazy.

Then we go to her house the next day. She asks to see my Facebook search history and comes to find out that for those three weeks that she told me she didn't love me and was broken up with me that I searched a few other girls on Facebook and two of my ex's. She flips out calling me a liar again (she had asked me if I searched my ex's and I just said no because it's just not worth hearing the flip out)... throws my ___ in the hallway tells me to leave etc etc. We end up talking about it but she gives me ___ for it for 2 days straight until she decides to tell me she lied about doing drugs with her friend and also she went out to the bar and came axross a guy she used to hook up with and she got his number (also lied about this and told me she didn't talk to any guys at the bar) so I'm like how are you yelling at me for what I did when you've done this and she tells me she didn't do anything wrong and that I can't even compare what I did to what she did because she wasn't planning on talking to him she just felt bad when he asked for her number. I end up letting it go cause I'm a very forgiving guy. I bring it up maybe once after that she flipped out again telling me I'm such a ___ing idiot for thinking what she did was even equal to what I did (although I think it's worse) but I wouldn't tell her that cause she'd go even more insane. She would bring up the fact that I looked at my exes every single day for weeks after that.

Now last Saturday (bear with me this story is almost finished) we're at a party... .everything seems good except my cousin keeps coming up to me telling me I better treat my girlfriend great and how amazing she is. She did it about 8 times. At this point Im wondering what she's telling my cousin to make her have to keep saying that. My cousin starts telling me that I should give her every dollar I have and do everything for her and take care of her (we're all pretty drunk) I end up saying something jokingly like "no way I'm not giving her all my paychecks I don't trust her with that" she takes it as disrespectful and slaps me in the face and throws a drink at me. I'm also drunk so I end up throwing two drinks back. Never hit her though. We don't talk for the rest of the night. The next morning she wakes up demanding I apologize to her and I ask if she's willing to apologize to me (she's only apologized like ... .5 times our whole relationships and would constantly tell me she doesn't do apologies) so she says know that I disrespected her in front of everyone and I was completely wrong... .I brought up the part where she slapped me and threw a drink at me first. She told me I should have taken it like a man and walked away so I'm the one that's wrong. She also remembers the story completely in her own way despite 2 other witnesess saying that's not how it happened. She wanted me to literally go to my cousin and friends and explain to them why I was wrong... .I wouldn't do this. Then later in the night she just... .seemed normal again and we had a fun night... .cuddling kissing etc... .Monday comes around and right before she leaves she flips out about the party again and breaks up with me. Monday and Tuesday we talk but she keeps insisting that she's done with me so Tuesday night she asks if I'm home I say yeah and she says ok and then I never responded (I wanted to give her some space) Wednesday she sees I'm out playing golf and freaks out on me for not texting her then proceeds to block me on everything. I usually chase her and calm her down when this happens but this time I say ___ it I'm not doing that. We go 2 days without speaking a word. Friday I see that on social media she starts following that guy who's number she got. I message her pretty pissed. She tells me shes completely done with me and never to contact her again and I got my karma for all I've done wrong to her. She tells me she's going out with other guys that night. I panicked and texted her asking if we could please talk and I miss her and want to make this work and it's driving me crazy thinking of her with someone else. She proceeds to only respond telling me I'm a pathetic little boy and she needs a real man and now she's with a real man at the bar etc etc. She blocked me on everything and saturday I end up messaging her again begging her again to please talk and I love her so much and all that she yells at me telling me she will change her number and get a restraining order. I had already ordered to have flowers and strawberries sent to her mom for mother's day before these fights. Her mom gets them and thanks me and tells me she will talk to her daughter and try to calm her down and see if she can fix things. Then my girlfriend texts me telling me I can't win her back by sending her mom stuff and that her mom hates me and is only being nice etc etc. At this point I remember her telling me when she was 17 a therapist diagnosed her with BPD but she told me the therapist was bull___ and only wanted money from her so she stopped going. At this point I decide to look up a BPD girlfriend and research it like crazy. So now yesterday I end up sending her some of the stuff I found and tell her I can now understand what she's going through and I want to be there for her and I don't think she's a bad person or a crazy person and to not feel abnormal but to just know I'm there for her. Then I basically beg her to call me to just talk for 10 minutes like normal with no screaming because I'm just hurting so bad from the breakup and I miss her. She calls me and starts screaming at me telling me I need to stop and how I can't tell her he has a disorder and expect her to talk to me because it's disrespectful and she doesn't have it. She then tells me that me and my whole family and friends are the ones that need help and have disorders and she tells me I should go kill myself and hangs up. That's the last time ive talked to her haven't talked to her at all today. Since then shes basically been on a spree of adding old guy friends and other random guys tweeting at them and everything and putting up new pictures and all that(something she would never do in our relationship)

My question is am I wrong? Does anyone relate to this? Am I the one that's crazy? Does she have BPD? And most importantly will she come back? We did everything together and this hurts so much I've been crying and everything since Friday and with every guy she adds I get a punch in the stomach. Will she eventually calm done and come back? And also why do I want her back so bad? She treated me like ___ our whole relationship but I can't help but want her back. This I the worst breakup I've had and I've dated a girl for 4 years and have a baby with her and didn't cry and feel this much pain when it ended.

[RyanC5686]

Ok so me and my girlfriend split up on Friday. Through out the whole relationship she would flip out on me for every little thing and call me a piece of ___ a pathetic loser and literally just laugh in my face. No matter what she did she was always right and if I tried to give her any sort of rational explaination or a comparison as to what I've done and how it compares to something she's down she would call me a dumb piece of ___ and tell me my comparisons are so dumb and she can't believe someone could be such an idiot and a loser and I need to get a dictionary etc etc.

In the beginning of the relationship I always had like a joking playful tone with her when I would pick on her and if she would say something I'd be like "oh God you're so stupid haha" but at the same time hugging her or putting my arm around her. She eventually told me she did not like me doing this so I stopped. 8 months ago. We were together for a year and one month so it was about 5 months in. She also started to tell me that I wasn't affectionate enough or didn't compliment her enough which I do know these to be one of my faults when I'm with someone so I also changed that and for the past 5 or 6 months I've basically complimented her everyday telling her how she's pretty sexy funny etc etc. In the very beginning we would break up probably once every month or every other month but always end up talking less than an hour later and being fine. When she was at my house if we fought especially if she was drunk it was an absolute nightmare. She would go around my room kicking things hitting me spitting on me and my things throwing things around for hours while yelling at me telling me how I've ruined her whole life. This went on for our whole relationship.

6 or 7 months ago she started breaking up with me pretty much every other day. Over absolutely anything. If I was tired and she wasn't she would throw a temper tantrum and break up with me. Going to sit on the curb and telling me she's calling an Uber to go home and eventually I would calm her down and get her back inside. Sometimes she would make me beg her for a while. All this at 4 am. Not like I'm trying to go to bed at 8 pm. She would do this constantly. Anything that she didn't like she would immediately go off. If one thing went wrong then basically my next 3 hours were all ___ed up because she would just be yelling at me and the most negative person in the world. We lived in different states so she would come stay a week or so then go home for a week or so. It seemed like it was very bad when she was home. When she was over I could calm her down after a few hours and we would go on to have a good time. When she got home almost like clockwork she would tell me she loves me the first day she got home and everything would be happy and ok. Then the next day she would find something to fight about and then flip out and break up with me EVERY SINGLE TIME there hasn't been one fight that hasn't led to at least an hour long break up and sometimes longer.

She made me delete all my friends that were girls on Facebook and Instagram. Since she did it to me I told her she has to do the same. She accused me of trying to control her life and she just deleted all her social media and told me I forced her to do it. I explained to her it's only fair if that's what I have to do but she was having none of it. In January she found out that I had a conversation with a girl I dated a year ago for only a month until we decided we were better as friends the conversation literally about nothing but a mutual friend. She made me delete all the girls numbers in my phone. I ended up wanting to keep some so like an idiot I screenshotted the number and emailed it to myself. I understand that I shouldnt have done this. She found out and flipped out like crazy. I explained to her why I did it and how I'm scared to ever tell her anything because of how she talks to me and insults me like crazy when I say anything. She told me she wouldnt do that if I was honest but the past proves otherwise. She told me I was manipulating her to believe my lies. This is a girl that also lied in the beginning of our relationship about guys she had on social media when she told me to delete the girls and I told her to delete the guys she would tell me she never had sex with them then come to find out a month later she had sex with a lot of the guys she wanted to keep on there. After all this she says she can never trust me again... .not that she did at any point in the relationship anyway.

Now about a month and a half ago 3 weeks before our anniversary and my birthday she tells me doesn't love me anymore and she sees me as a friend and that she's sorry. It went on like this for 3 weeks of her telling me we are not together almost every day even though we would talk everyday. She agreed to come over for our anniversary and see how things went. The went pretty great. I took her to dinner, gave her a candle lit picknic in my room with wine and a record player she's always wanted... the whole works. (I was always doing things like this on special occasions and bringing her flowers even on not special occasions and constantly posting romantic things about her in social media) so that night she cried and told me she can't believe I'd do all this for her and she feels so bad cause she doesn't love me anymore I comfort her and talk to her and we have sex etc etc... .she stays over for a whole week. Then I go to her house and we're in just such a great mood for those whole 7 days except one of the days she had a full blown freakout because she told me she was starving but not to bring her food but I brought her food anyway she she was biting the food and just spitting it back into the wrapper telling me she doesn't want this ___ and forced me to take it out of the room and eat it with my daughter even though I told her I'd leave it for her if she got hungry but she flipped out and said if I don't take it she's leaving. She texted me 20 minutes later and asked if I ate it with my daughter and I told her no I just threw it out. She flipped out again telling me I should have left the food for her if I was going to throw  it out because now she's starving... .anyway I eventually get her to calm down we go out for a few drinks and have a great night. She's telling me she loves me at this point and doesn't know why she gets so crazy.

Then we go to her house the next day. She asks to see my Facebook search history and comes to find out that for those three weeks that she told me she didn't love me and was broken up with me that I searched a few other girls on Facebook and two of my ex's. She flips out calling me a liar again (she had asked me if I searched my ex's and I just said no because it's just not worth hearing the flip out)... throws my ___ in the hallway tells me to leave etc etc. We end up talking about it but she gives me ___ for it for 2 days straight until she decides to tell me she lied about doing drugs with her friend and also she went out to the bar and came axross a guy she used to hook up with and she got his number (also lied about this and told me she didn't talk to any guys at the bar) so I'm like how are you yelling at me for what I did when you've done this and she tells me she didn't do anything wrong and that I can't even compare what I did to what she did because she wasn't planning on talking to him she just felt bad when he asked for her number. I end up letting it go cause I'm a very forgiving guy. I bring it up maybe once after that she flipped out again telling me I'm such a ___ing idiot for thinking what she did was even equal to what I did (although I think it's worse) but I wouldn't tell her that cause she'd go even more insane. She would bring up the fact that I looked at my exes every single day for weeks after that.

Now last Saturday (bear with me this story is almost finished) we're at a party... .everything seems good except my cousin keeps coming up to me telling me I better treat my girlfriend great and how amazing she is. She did it about 8 times. At this point Im wondering what she's telling my cousin to make her have to keep saying that. My cousin starts telling me that I should give her every dollar I have and do everything for her and take care of her (we're all pretty drunk) I end up saying something jokingly like "no way I'm not giving her all my paychecks I don't trust her with that" she takes it as disrespectful and slaps me in the face and throws a drink at me. I'm also drunk so I end up throwing two drinks back. Never hit her though. We don't talk for the rest of the night. The next morning she wakes up demanding I apologize to her and I ask if she's willing to apologize to me (she's only apologized like ... .5 times our whole relationships and would constantly tell me she doesn't do apologies) so she says know that I disrespected her in front of everyone and I was completely wrong... .I brought up the part where she slapped me and threw a drink at me first. She told me I should have taken it like a man and walked away so I'm the one that's wrong. She also remembers the story completely in her own way despite 2 other witnesess saying that's not how it happened. She wanted me to literally go to my cousin and friends and explain to them why I was wrong... .I wouldn't do this. Then later in the night she just... .seemed normal again and we had a fun night... .cuddling kissing etc... .Monday comes around and right before she leaves she flips out about the party again and breaks up with me. Monday and Tuesday we talk but she keeps insisting that she's done with me so Tuesday night she asks if I'm home I say yeah and she says ok and then I never responded (I wanted to give her some space) Wednesday she sees I'm out playing golf and freaks out on me for not texting her then proceeds to block me on everything. I usually chase her and calm her down when this happens but this time I say ___ it I'm not doing that. We go 2 days without speaking a word. Friday I see that on social media she starts following that guy who's number she got. I message her pretty pissed. She tells me shes completely done with me and never to contact her again and I got my karma for all I've done wrong to her. She tells me she's going out with other guys that night. I panicked and texted her asking if we could please talk and I miss her and want to make this work and it's driving me crazy thinking of her with someone else. She proceeds to only respond telling me I'm a pathetic little boy and she needs a real man and now she's with a real man at the bar etc etc. She blocked me on everything and saturday I end up messaging her again begging her again to please talk and I love her so much and all that she yells at me telling me she will change her number and get a restraining order. I had already ordered to have flowers and strawberries sent to her mom for mother's day before these fights. Her mom gets them and thanks me and tells me she will talk to her daughter and try to calm her down and see if she can fix things. Then my girlfriend texts me telling me I can't win her back by sending her mom stuff and that her mom hates me and is only being nice etc etc. At this point I remember her telling me when she was 17 a therapist diagnosed her with BPD but she told me the therapist was bull___ and only wanted money from her so she stopped going. At this point I decide to look up a BPD girlfriend and research it like crazy. So now yesterday I end up sending her some of the stuff I found and tell her I can now understand what she's going through and I want to be there for her and I don't think she's a bad person or a crazy person and to not feel abnormal but to just know I'm there for her. Then I basically beg her to call me to just talk for 10 minutes like normal with no screaming because I'm just hurting so bad from the breakup and I miss her. She calls me and starts screaming at me telling me I need to stop and how I can't tell her he has a disorder and expect her to talk to me because it's disrespectful and she doesn't have it. She then tells me that me and my whole family and friends are the ones that need help and have disorders and she tells me I should go kill myself and hangs up. That's the last time ive talked to her haven't talked to her at all today. Since then shes basically been on a spree of adding old guy friends and other random guys tweeting at them and everything and putting up new pictures and all that(something she would never do in our relationship)

My question is am I wrong? Does anyone relate to this? Am I the one that's crazy? Does she have BPD? And most importantly will she come back? We did everything together and this hurts so much I've been crying and everything since Friday and with every guy she adds I get a punch in the stomach. Will she eventually calm done and come back? And also why do I want her back so bad? She treated me like ___ our whole relationship but I can't help but want her back. This I the worst breakup I've had and I've dated a girl for 4 years and have a baby with her and didn't cry and feel this much pain when it ended.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[In a bad way]

I can relate and no you are not crazy, she is.
I don't mean that to sound disrespectful I say it because it sounds so similar to the craziness I went through.
If I was at her house she would go from nice to nasty in a split second over something that didn't make any sense and she would usually end up telling me to f off home and make me leave.
Then later or the next day ask me why I left.
If we were at my house she would storm off and go home and the next day not know why.

[RyanC5686]

So I haven't texted her since yesterday when normally I text her everyday even when we were fighting and she texted me this

"Hey I wanted to wait a few weeks to say this because I thought it would be best to give us space first but it's been weighing on my mind and I feel really bad for what I said to you over the phone. It hurts me to think about and I'm really really sorry for the things I've said. I was angry and annoyed especially with what you've been saying to me. I don't want to hurt you and it hurts me to see or hear you upset. Again I'm truly sorry from the bottom of my heart and I really do wish you so many good things in life and I'm sorry this didn't work out its going to be hard and it still hurts, it hurts me too but I hope in time you find it in your heart to understand and forgive and find love again. Thank you for all the good memories and you've taught me alot and helped me through alot and I can't even tell you how grateful I am to have had you in my life. Thank you and good luck with everything I really hope you make it to where you want to be in life ❤"

Is this just an attempt to reel me back in? Even though she said things like "I'm sorry this didn't work out"? What do I make of this text? I haven't responded and she said "you don't have to respond but just let me know you got this text"

[RyanC5686]

She called me 2 times after sending that text and then texted me again saying "well obviously my number isn't blocked and I just wanted to make sure you got my text. This is the last message, thank you"

Does anyone have any ideas of what's going on or how shes feeling? I do love her and want to be with her but I refuse to go through that again so I will only be with her if she accepts to get treatment for what she's going through.

[MrWonka1965]

It does sound like BPD and since a therapist mentioned it years ago that also suggests it is, but of course you and the rest of us are not in a position to make that diagnosis. It also sounds like she is no where near ready to get help for it.  Do you really want to keep living this way even if she does come back? 

[Austin53]

I am sorry Ryan that you have found yourself in this situation. Thank goodness no children are involved. Feels like your never sure who is going to come in the door? Tirades that's can go on for hrs and you listen offer advice talk about IT and end up right back at the start of the tirade 3 hrs later. Verbal abuse that it's you like a knife leaving scars that will never heal. An emotional roller coaster that your not sure you want to keep riding. Why are you choosing to volley back and forth with her. Eventually she will get you to go back and the cycles will start again. If you can't get her into see a counselor or therapist you will be right back where you started at over and over and over. BPD family is a blessing read everything you can on the disorder but don't think you can fix her.  Good luck to you, but limit your contact. Don't go where she is going to be,your just playing games. If she wants to with other people let her,maybe she isnt the one.