For me, it was impossible to be compassionate r understanding when I saw how level headed she was being. It made me so angry especially because I knew she was just running from scary feelings and emotions. But it's true. By actually feeling and not suppressing the emotions we are actually showing more maturity. Not many "normal" people know how to feel their emotions. Maybe we are crazy. But I'd rather feel emotions than spend my life running from them.
If you don't mind me asking what was the event that kinda led from 1 beer a day to a gallon of whiskey for you? You hinted at it a few times.
You really hit the nail on the head with the running from scary feelings and emotions. I was doing the same for the last few months until I couldn't anymore. I am still a little angry.
Recieved a how are you feeling text from her ealier this evening and I responded normally... .better thanks for asking. For a few minutes I was impressed that she sent a caring message. Then what followed was a request to take her out to dinner. Could not leave well enough alone. Always a demand of some type. I replied no and said I had an appointment with my cat which got an . The end I thought. Then 90 minutes later another request to take her out. I didn't see it for at least an hour so I responded in a snarky way and told her no and that I would let her know when I would go out with her again. Followed by something to ridiculous and insulting to write here. Apparently I have almost as little respect for her as I do for myself.
To explain what happened that caused my normal emotions to kick in is a little embarassing and could be lengthy but I will try. I am still also trying to figure out what happened.
During this latest fling I learned early on that she had a "boyfriend" almost half her age. It was a joke to me and did not bother me. As time when on our time together began seem more like serious dating and we half-joked about us getting married in 3 years. She talked about getting rid of the "boyfriend" and our fling suddenly became very hot last Friday night when we went dancing. I was starting to guzzle the gallon of whiskey so to speak and so was she.
True to form I met her the next day and she was cold as ice, no makeup, no affection a total 180 from the night before. This triggered something in me that brought up the bad old feelings as I had seen it before many times.
Something was wrong with her. She had mentioned that she was blocking the number of her "friend" who had moved to another state a few months ago the night before. I realized the next day that she had been in love or deeply attached to some guy who really doesn't want her and left her here. She had mentioned the friend who went away in the past but it did not click with me until she became very close and then very distant in less than 24 hours.
Very long story short, I have been the rebound guy like I have been a couple of times in the past, in between other guys being the rebound guy after we would end a cycle. Althewhile she has a much younger "boyfriend" who she said is in love with her and broke down crying uncontrollalbly when she tried to call it off.
Stupid isn't it? Ok so it was not so so short but I guesss I felt very devalued again after her 180. I drank the koolaid again.
Yesterday I had a talk with her over the phone where she confided in me more details, none of which made me feel good. The Friend guy wants to come back and visit but she doesn't want to see him because she got hurt and all this I am being told.
Not good. Apologies for the lenth of this and not sure if I have explained the lunacy very well. Doesn't say much for me that I would be involved with this person again and I feel like kind of a s*&mbag too.
But things are getting better today and not now falling for her BPD demands and tricks at the moment.
Was not hurt by her text request earlier in the evening and have no qualms about telling her to F off in my own way.
