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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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Author Topic: recently divorced  (Read 505 times)
Neil2017
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1


« on: June 13, 2017, 12:35:01 PM »

Wanted to say hi   as I'm new to this.  Just went trough a divorce from a BPD. Looking to get myself back on my two feet as I gain distance. Its been a shock to me as I untangle the years of being around such a person.  Looking for others to see how they managed and then how then moved on.

Thanks
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Confused99
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 101


« Reply #1 on: June 13, 2017, 06:04:40 PM »

Time.  Honestly it's a hard road.  One day at a time.  I recycled so many times I can't count.   I finally had enough.  I fought hard and won't lie I have slipped a few times.  I am now 6 months NC.  And I will never contact her again.  I dated a lot too soon and was a mistake.  I was a shell of a person.  All I can say is focus on you.  And feel your feelings.  You got this!
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heartandwhole
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 3592



« Reply #2 on: June 14, 2017, 07:04:05 AM »

Hi Neil2017,



Welcome to the community! I'm sorry to hear about your divorce. It's painful to lose a close relationship. You've come to the right place for support. Members have been where you are, and understand what it's like. There are also tons of tools and skills you can learn to help you recover from this loss and thrive again. There definitely IS hope for better days. 

How long were you together with your wife? When did the divorce go through?

Keep writing. It helps to share. We are here to support you.

heartandwhole
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When the pain of love increases your joy, roses and lilies fill the garden of your soul.
Lucky Jim
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 6211


« Reply #3 on: June 14, 2017, 09:39:30 AM »

Hey Neil2017, Welcome!  As heartandwhole notes, many of us have been down this road before you.  How did you learn that your Ex had BPD?  I was married to a pwBPD for 16 years and am now divorced.  The place to start, I suggest, is with yourself.  Suggest you treat yourself with care and compassion.  Everyone heals at his/her own pace, so be patient.  Let us know if you have any particular questions.

LuckyJim
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    A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.
George Bernard Shaw
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