Anger feels better than sorrow...

[Lalathegreat]

I'm rereading some  of the things I wrote in the early days when I attempted to recount all of the horrible, abusive moments in order to mitigate the gut wrenching heartache.

I appear to have reached a place where I can get... .well... .really ___ing PISSED OFF.

I'm noticing patterns that I refused to see before, making connections that I didn't want to see.

For example - 3 different instances where he phoned me to rage about how I moved his things when I was straightening. In all 3 cases he eventually found his stuff and then was all "oh yeah, whatever, sorry about that... ."

Or all the times that I asked for a small favor and he was full of reasons why he couldn't - after I essentially "Mom'd" his kid so that he could lie around being depressed after he lost his job for inconsistent attendance and performance.

Or all the times he twisted something I'd confided in him and spit it back at me in a rage.

Or all the times he destroyed a special event or occasion and then blamed me.

I don't love feeling angry - it's not really my thing. But it feels a little more productive than the other emotions I've been nursing lately. Progress?

[In a bad way]

As far as I'm concerned it's progress, it's better than the depression.
I still ruminate though not as much and it's all the bad stuff, hardly ever a good thought.
I know exactly what you mean about ruined special occasions and then getting the blame, it was strange how to her a special occasion needed the crap afterwards.
Like someone who doesn't have a good night out unless it involves a fight at the end.
She had a need for conflict, shows what a nutjob she is I suppose.

[flourdust]

Part of the process, as long as you don't get stuck in ruminating about anger (just as counterproductive as ruminating about depression or denial).