I'm new here.
I have been in a LDR with my girlfriend for some months now. She always mentioned her mood swings and black and white thinking. She said she would push me away and needed space with no restrictions. I didn't think much of it back then.
So four weeks ago I told her I had a bad day. She immediately blamed herself and apologized for hurting me. Then she cut off contact. I proceeded to chase her and told her it had nothing to do with her. She told me I should think things through and come back to her later. Then 4 days later I contacted her saying I hadn't changed my mind. She told me she didn't want to hurt me and asked for a break. She said she felt empty and fragile again.
So a week later I contacted her again asking how she has been and we talked a couple of hours about random stuff. In the midst of the conversation she picked apart a sentence of mine and felt really offended by it. So then she came at me with a huge speech about this minor thing. I told her I didn't mean any of it in the way she saw it but she didn't believe me. So then she said she was in a bad mood and that we should talk another day. She also told me I was pushing her away more.
So a week later I contacted her again. No response. Then I tried three more times on different days. Also no response.
Now it has been 3 weeks since I last heard from her. It seems she has shut me out completely. Now I keep blaming myself for pushing her. In these weeks I have been reading about BPD a lot and trying to figure out what to do but even after reading so much I still feel like I'm clueless about what to do. I think I may have been discarded.
Should I initiate contact again sometime soon? Should I just wait? This silence makes me feel like I'm in limbo. Am I in a relationship still or has she just ended it in a cruel way? And how do I stop this from happening again if she decides to make contact again? Any help is appreciated.
This is very similar to what i have gone through and still go through to an extent. He takes the smallest things and twists them or changes his feelings about things from day to day and i am left confused with so many unanswered questions. The longest we have gone without speaking is about a week over the last 2 months this was happening more frequently (before we knew for sure about his BPD) and i would leave him be and he would eventually come back to me this last time i had remembered him talking about a coin he really wanted about 7 months ago but couldn't see spending the money i bought the coin worte a letter scanned it to the seller and had it sent with the package. It was simple and let him know i care and pay attention his biggest thing was "no one cares about me, i'm a bad person, i dont deserve you, and nothing ever goes right for me" ( amongst many other very mean and hurtful things he would do and say to me" i simply wrote i know you have been wanting this for a while but for your own reasons didnt want to purchase it. You deserve this and everything else you want out of life love always courtney he got it on a friday and texted me sat night.
fast forward My Bf has recently accepted that he is BPD so of course the psych grad in me dove right in to learning as much as possible i read a book called "i hate you don't leave me" i can't say enough good things about the insight and advice it will give you
My boyfriend had my head spinning for so long and would push me away then accuse me of pushing him into things he wasn't ready for and i wasn't doing that it was his way of blaming me. I am a persistent little girl and i never gave up on him and never will. His issues stemmed alot from his parents and exs using him and manipulating him and having him around for self serving purposes. I am trying to help and undo 33 years of learned behavior i can honestly say this week is the first week we have had no blow ups he's started to get heated a few times and twist things and take them to the extreme i very calmly said " you need to stop you need to think about what i really said and take it at face value" he would take a few minutes and would regroup and then continue our convo in a mature way. That doesn't always work sometimes i have to resort to other methods in the book but they are very effective. it's trial and error with learning how to handle it i am still learning every day.
one of the questions i asked him was if his go to when he had a really bad rage was to leave me was becasue he was scared i was going to leave him first and he said 90% of the time yes. That told me a lot and has helped me immensely.
