Looking for answers

[Lily*]

I have just finished watching a webinar on validation and thought that by writing on this blog I could seek out some answers/direction which I have been looking for for quite some time. I have a 15 year old daughter who struggles with emotion disregulation as well as intense feelings of loneliness, emptiness and rejection. She has a hard time maintaining friendships and everything that I read about BPD fits her to the tee. In may of this year and last she completed a partial program at pembroke and upon completion this time around the Doctor diagnosed her with BPD. This was not shared with her. For so long my husband and I prayed it was just a phase but in my heart I have known it was much more than that. We have mental illness on both sides of our family my husbands mother had severe bipolar and my dad committed suicide at age 44 undiagnosed but clearly suffered from depression. I live in fear that something is going to happen to my daughter. She cycles rapidly and is always ok when she is with friends but as soon as she is alone she goes to this dark hole of emptiness. Her grades have slipped remarkably this year and she barely passed the 9th grade. She had a 504 for anxiety and has always been a B/C student. She was absent 28 times this year. She also has trichotillimania and has engaged in cutting. She currently is undergoing another med change which terrifies me. She has not been officially diagnosed with bipolar but her dr said we have to work under the assumption that that's what we are dealing with. She had always been an active child, cheerleader, gymnast etc and as of the last 4 months she has put on 25 lbs which of course is worsening her self loathing. She wants to sleep and stay in bed on her phone if at home and needs to be reminded to bath and brush her teeth. She is a wonderful kind girl but she thinks she is worthless as much as her father and I tell her differently. I'm a nurse manager at a hospice organization on the cape and a sexual assault nurse and I have had to take intermittent FMLA to be able to have the flexibility I need to care for her in her dark moments. My husband is home as he is a retired state trooper. I am feeling very strongly that she needs inpatient especially during this time of med changes but her psychiatrist feels that we need to decide that with her and if so go to the ER for the referral. I brought in a list of things she has said over the last few weeks when she is struggling and to me really indicating suicidal ideation. I know I come from a place of intense fear because of losing my dad this way but I don't feel like I'm getting through. I have called McLean and they too said we need to go to the ER for referral. My daughter is refusing to go to the ER. Of course if We felt at any time that she was actively suicidal We would take her in an instant. Any guidance would be most appreciated. I have recently started going to a support group. And am waiting to get back from a clinician whom is starting at DBT group for adolescence. She sees her therapist once a week. My heart is breaking for her and it is consuming my every moment.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Mutt]

Hi Lily*


I'd like to welcome you to bpdfamily and I'm terribly sorry for the late response. I'm glad that you decided to join us, there is hope.

I have recently started going to a support group.

That's great, I'd like to ask you what you do for self care? When we have a long bed that she frees from BPD, it's especially important that we take really good care of ourselves so that we don't burn the candle at both ends.

It helps to share you frustrations and experiences with others that can understand what you're going through because their going through the same thing.

Topic: 6.01 | What does it mean to take care of yourself?

And am waiting to get back from a clinician whom is starting at DBT group for adolescence.

That's also great news, a group setting has its advantages with pwBPD, it's easier to open up if you see that you're not allowed be, it also helps a pwBPD if they have compassionate people on their side while they're going through therapy.

She sees her therapist once a week.

I'm going to guess that you mean that it's the same doctor that said that you have to assume that it's a mood disorder and not a personality disorder. I'm going to suggest a book for you, it's not a hard read although there a couple of parts when it comes to neuroscience that feel like it's above your head.

Dr Robert O. Friedel's book Personality Disorder Demystified He grew up with a sister, her name was Denise, she was an undiagnosed borderline. While she was an intern he quickly realized that there wasn't much for treatment for pwBPD. They were abandoned in the medical field back then, he worked with a borderline patient and developed a new way to treat BPD.

He also says in his book to find someone that is experienced with BPD if a loved one is getting treatment. A reason why is because BPD is a mental illness that has the most comorbidity than all other mental illnesses. No one knows why, I'm Nita professional but you're D sounds depressed.

Usually there's an underlying clinic cal depression with BPD, doctors like to have that treated and under control before treating BPD, there may also be other mood / anxiety disorders coexisting with BPD such as BiP, anxiety, PPTSD, and other personality disorders as well.  Some BPD symptoms are similar with symptoms from other mental illnesses and it may be difficult to spot which mental illness overlaps the other. Have you thought about getting a second opinion? It just sounds questionable to me when someone says that you need to assume that it's BiP, did he explain why?