Massively flailing with no contact

[insideoutside]

So its been 16 weeks now of no contact by my friend.  Last week and the week before he set up 3 new facebook profiles which I thought was him trying to get my attention and for me to reach out as I had his primary account blocked; I reached out and asked him if that's what he was doing and if so and he wanted to speak to me to just do so.  No response.  No message went unread which is what he used to do; another form of silent treatment.

He hasn't created a new profile since I called him out on it and he remains blocked on facebook because I can't bear seeing my message as unread.

This is stirring up huge emotions in me; I can barely cope with the pain it is causing me.  Also a memories thing popped up on Facebook on 4th July reminding me that its 8 years since I last saw my mum (who lives in the USA) and that also cut me to the core even more to think that I mean that little to her too, that she's never once jumped on a plane in that 8 years to see me or her 12 year old granddaughter.  She also hasn't bothered speaking to me for the last 3 months; the last time she spoke to me was on facetime after I hadn't facetimed her in months and the first thing she said to me was 'oh, your hair has grown.  I don't like it like that, it doesn't suit you'.  I know my co-dependency comes from my upbringing and always trying to be the good kid and make my mum proud of me; I am a people pleaser/fixer.  I know that's what is keeping me attached to my friend.

I just feel so bereft today.  I want to hear from him, desperately.  I feel annoyed at myself for admitting this and ashamed that I so desperately want his approval.  My husband gives me enough to make me feel loved so why do I also seek it from my friend?  I guess its because we both grew up in dysfunctional families, him moreso than me, and we have that connection.  I do know that he is facebook friends with an old girlfriend (whom he had a child with but it unfortunately died at birth) so whether she is giving him that emotional support now, who knows.  She is also married though with another child.

Sorry guys, really struggling today and it all feels so impossible to keep on putting on a happy face and kidding myself.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey insideoutside, I'm sorry to hear that you are in pain.  It seems like you are hoping for a recycle.  If so, perhaps you might consider posting on the Conflicted/Deciding Board?  If not, fill us in and feel free to share any particular questions.

LuckyJim

[insideoutside]

Hi LJ

I was having a seriously bad day yesterday.  Today I have woken up and given myself a good talking to.  I don't really want to recycle with him as it does me no good; he is repetitive in his nature and he is very sly with having a dig at me in a 'friendly' way and I find it very tiring at times.  I think maybe its the void that's been left and of course wounds from my childhood that cause me to ruminate.

I have deleted my snooping facebook account and I am resolute that I am done checking up on him; after all why should I worry what he gets up to.  He is not my responsibility.

I also think I may take a break from this forum and reading up on anything to do with BPD and Bipolar. I am fed up with reading and researching about behaviours to do with someone who probably doesn't even give me the slightest thought.  Time to expend my energy elsewhere.

Thanks and have a good weekend.

[jambley]

Best of luck insideoutside... .stay NC if you can, it sounds like the friendship is toxic.

Take care of yourself first and foremost.   

[A Different Me]

Hey there

I never acted well on social media when I was being recycled- I ended up realizing that social media just wasn't for me. I think I was swiping my phone and pressing the Facebook app about once every 5 minutes, and it could have been way more. I also found I was checking my email. Hoping they would email me, Facebook message me.

Even after I deleted all my social media, I would still search for them on the web. Not sure why, maybe a sense of validation that what I went through was real. The checking decreased more and more- especially when you deny yourself the rush that comes with it. I guess the rush would happen before a picture would pop up , as I was expecting them to have a picture of them with another man, etc.

I hard time detaching- but the more I was in therapy- the more I realized my actions.
The last time I checked, my last X had a baby with another man (18 months after getting an abortion when she lived with me)- not sure how to process that then and now, but I know there is no pain with it - just a dull reminder of the chaos that was there.

Hope your pain ceases, and it maybe a good time to reconsider social media and the pros and cons of it.

**hugs**